• Home
  • Contact
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
Julie Sanders

Julie Sanders

  • About
    • My Story
  • Blog
  • Resources
  • Speaking
  • Expectant Devotional

September 26, 2011 ·

Marriage Mondays ~ 5 Sec Touch Challenge

Marriage Encouragement· Relationships

If you knew you could do something guaranteed to reduce your husband’s stress load and increase satisfaction in your relationship, would you do it? What if it was as simple as spreading your hand and touching your man?

Last year the New York Times published a report by Benedict Carey about how touch, the first means of communication we learn, affects our relationships. Findings at the Touch Research Institute, “found that a massage from a loved one can not only ease pain but also soothe depression and strengthen a relationship.” 

Picturesdepot.com

A research team explored how physical touch in the National Basketball Association (Our men will listen to this sports tidbit, ladies ..) reflected how successful the teams are, and “with a few exceptions, good teams tended to be touchier than bad ones.” 

“Players who made contact with teammates most consistently and longest tended to rate highest on measures of performance, and the teams with those players seemed to get the most out of their talent.”  When the same test was applied to 69 couples, researchers found that couples who touched more were also more satisfied. 

When we open our hands and take time to touch, we’re more “successful” in our relationships and we encourage each other to be our best. We can actually impact our husband’s stress level by touching consistently and often.

  1. When was the last time you held your husband’s hand? Did you initiate?
  2. When was the last time you put your arms around your husband? 
  3. How often do you touch your husband’s face? (Wiping off food doesn’t count 😉 )
  4. Do you ever lay your open hand on your husband’s leg? 
  5. Have you put your hand on your husband’s chest this week? 

Ever since Genesis 3 men have been toiling in the world and experiencing stress; a wife’s touch can be a wonderful cure.  “A warm touch seems to set off the release of oxytocin, a hormone that helps create a sensation of trust, and to reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol.” This is one way an excellent wife can help the heart of her husband to trust in her, so that “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life,” (Prov. 31:11-12). Touching reinforces mutual trust and helps lower stress levels. 

What does your touch or your lack of touch say to your man? Does it speak trust, support, and confidence? Does it speak affection, desire, and encouragement? Or is it silent and cold? It’s saying SOMETHING, but what? Sometimes I have a wake up moment and realize I’ve become distant or cold or just busy … and I’ve stopped touching like I should. It doesn’t always happen naturally. Like anything else, our touch can become distorted.What a powerful message we can send through reaching out to touch our man.

“In effect, the body interprets supportive touch as ‘I’ll share the load.'” 

I want to challenge myself and you this week. Sometimes the caress of a fingertip is enough to speak volumes, but why not open your hand and lay it on your man and just let it rest for 5 seconds? It may not sound like a long time, but in our hurried pace of life, it often takes an intentional decision to stop what we’re doing, (kids, work, computer, whatever…) reach out, spread our hand, and let it rest while we count to 5. I also have a feeling it may do beautiful things.

Go ahead. Take the 5 Second Touch Challenge, and see what God gives you to enjoy!

I hope you’ll check out the great marriage post links below, share your thoughts with them, and let them know you came from Marriage Mondays at Come Have a Peace. If you link up, be sure to include the MM link button or mention that you’re linked to Marriage Mondays!


Share with a friend?

  • Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Pinterest
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email
  • More
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Tumblr
  • Click to print (Opens in new window) Print

Related

Previous Post: « Marriage Mondays ~ 5 Sec Touch Challenge
Next Post: Tasty Tuesday ~ Favorite Pumpkin Bread »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Christine- Fruit in Season says

    September 26, 2011 at 11:40 am

    I'm here from e-Mom's today.  I love this post!  My husband and I are very affectionate, especially at home.  He rubs my shoulders, I kiss him on the forehead, or sit on his lap, we hold hands.  I think it's so important to both of us…those little reminders.  Thanks for hosting!

  2. Julie_Sanders says

    September 26, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    It sounds like you've established some great patterns Christine. Keep it up! That will bear "fruit in season" 😉 over and over.
    Julie Sanders
    http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com

    ________________________________

  3. LisaGrace says

    September 26, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    I like this … very good insight 🙂

  4. Pamela Seay says

    September 26, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    I'm up for this challenge.  My husband is under tremendous stress right now and it is affecting his blood pressure.  I'd do anything to help my husband to feel loved and to feel better.

  5. Julie_Sanders says

    September 26, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    Just think, Pam, you could be the "medicine" your husband needs in so many ways! And there's no co-pay. 🙂 I know he'll be blessed by you, friend!
    Julie Sanders
    http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com

    ________________________________

  6. e-Mom says

    September 26, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    Excellent words of encouragement! My husband is the affectionate one between us, and I don't give those deep massages frequently enough. My "British reserve" is no excuse! Good word, Julie.

  7. Julie_Sanders says

    September 26, 2011 at 6:42 pm

    Frequency is so important. Maybe you can set aside your "British reserve" and release your hidden Latin lover. 😉
    Julie Sanders
    http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com

    ________________________________

  8. Leigh Ann says

    September 26, 2011 at 8:48 pm

    I needed this reminder today. This is not something that comes naturally for me, but it is my husband's number one love language. In the busyness of life (and little ones), it is easy to let too much time go by before I intentionally touch my man. As a nursing mom, it's easy to feel "touched out" by the time the hubby gets home (or even by the time he heads off to work). However, he needs it, and truth be told, I need it too. Thanks for the reminder!

  9. Julie_Sanders says

    September 26, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    You're right … we "both" need it in our marriages. Those "nursing" seasons can be especially hard and tempting to put up the "All done for today" sign. It's not my natural love language either, so I can relate. Maybe an index card with "5 Sec" written on it and posted in a visible spot will be a good reminder to reach out and touch and make space to be touched. So funny how our little ones we both love so much can literally "get between" us.
    Julie Sanders
    http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com

    ________________________________

  10. Leigh Ann says

    September 26, 2011 at 9:30 pm

    Done! Posted 3 reminders throughout the house. Will give that a try. 🙂 Thanks!

    *In Grace,
    *

    *
    *

    *
    *

    *Leigh Ann Dutton* *
    *

    *Editor/Writer, Intentional By Grace*
    [email protected] | http://www.IntentionalByGrace.com
    [image: Facebook] [image: Twitter]
    [image: Twitter] Latest tweet: New at IBG: Mommy & Daddy’s Marriage Matters: Submission is an Inevitable Part of Marriage http://t.co/qlD3U6q4
    Follow @n10tionalgrace

    Reply

    Retweet
    09:01 Sep-26
    Get this email app!

    “"Grace is but glory begun, and glory is but grace perfected." – Jonathan
    Edwards
    ” Get this email app!

    Signature powered by

    WiseStamp

  11. Julie_Sanders says

    September 26, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    Leigh Ann you're awesome! Let me know how those reminders work. Be sure you put one on a handy burp clothe or box of nursing pads. 😉

  12. Cheri Gregory says

    September 26, 2011 at 10:42 pm

    This is such a great, practical post! 

    My husband has been working out for the last year and has lost some of the weight that had crept on during the first 23 years of our marriage (as of 9/11). He's feeling really good about how he looks and feels…and so am I! 

    But when things get busy, I forget to SHOW him how I feel…by feeling him. 😉  I need your concrete reminder to open up my hand — letting go of whatever else is occupying me — and lay my hands on my man!

  13. Julie_Sanders says

    September 26, 2011 at 11:11 pm

    Very important piece of the puzzle, Cheri … we have to "let go of whatever else is occupying us" to hold onto our man. That "showing" is so important … Enjoy reaching out  to reach out and touch!
    Julie Sanders
    http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com

    ________________________________

  14. Leigh Ann says

    September 26, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    Oh so sorry for the email signature being added to the comment. I forgot to delete it when I responded from email 🙁

    2 things I can share already…and humbling.

    1. The hubby thought my "5 sec" cards were reminders to him to shut the cabinet/dresser drawers. He thought I was hinting that it only takes 5 seconds to shut them, so shut them.

    2. He asked me what they were for after dinner. When I told him, he said, "Oh so that's why you rubbed my leg under the table at dinner. I was confused. I thought you changed your mind about being ready for another baby."

    Oh how revealing these two statements were. I have a lot of work to do. 😉

  15. Julie_Sanders says

    September 27, 2011 at 12:14 am

    Julie Sanders
    http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com

    ________________________________

  16. Mrs Mary Joy Pershing says

    September 27, 2011 at 12:26 am

    Julie,

    Excellent article!  YOu are so right!  It makes such a difference.  I love it when he reaches out and touches me and I have learned that it means a lot to him too.  The less often we have physical contact, the more distance there is between us in our relationship as well.  This is one of the very special things I love about our relationship.  We both make sure we are initiating touch many times a day.  Makes it so much nicer. 😀

    Blessings!!!

    Mrs Mary Joy Pershing
    surrenderedlivingnow.com

  17. Julie_Sanders says

    September 27, 2011 at 1:49 am

    "many times a day" sounds like a great pattern Mary Joy!

    Julie Sanders
    http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com

    ________________________________

  18. Mac an Rothaich says

    September 27, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    True:)  The more I think about his need for this the more I am blessed as I sure enjoy his touch too.  Thanks

September 26, 2011 ·

Marriage Mondays ~ 5 Sec Touch Challenge

Marriage Encouragement· Relationships

If you knew you could do something guaranteed to reduce your husband’s stress load and increase satisfaction in your relationship, would you do it? What if it was as simple as spreading your hand and touching your man?

Last year the New York Times published a report by Benedict Carey about how touch, the first means of communication we learn, affects our relationships. Findings at the Touch Research Institute, “found that a massage from a loved one can not only ease pain but also soothe depression and strengthen a relationship.” 

Picturesdepot.com

A research team explored how physical touch in the National Basketball Association (Our men will listen to this sports tidbit, ladies ..) reflected how successful the teams are, and “with a few exceptions, good teams tended to be touchier than bad ones.” 

“Players who made contact with teammates most consistently and longest tended to rate highest on measures of performance, and the teams with those players seemed to get the most out of their talent.”  When the same test was applied to 69 couples, researchers found that couples who touched more were also more satisfied. 

When we open our hands and take time to touch, we’re more “successful” in our relationships and we encourage each other to be our best. We can actually impact our husband’s stress level by touching consistently and often.

  1. When was the last time you held your husband’s hand? Did you initiate?
  2. When was the last time you put your arms around your husband? 
  3. How often do you touch your husband’s face? (Wiping off food doesn’t count 😉 )
  4. Do you ever lay your open hand on your husband’s leg? 
  5. Have you put your hand on your husband’s chest this week? 

Ever since Genesis 3 men have been toiling in the world and experiencing stress; a wife’s touch can be a wonderful cure.  “A warm touch seems to set off the release of oxytocin, a hormone that helps create a sensation of trust, and to reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol.” This is one way an excellent wife can help the heart of her husband to trust in her, so that “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life,” (Prov. 31:11-12). Touching reinforces mutual trust and helps lower stress levels. 

What does your touch or your lack of touch say to your man? Does it speak trust, support, and confidence? Does it speak affection, desire, and encouragement? Or is it silent and cold? It’s saying SOMETHING, but what? Sometimes I have a wake up moment and realize I’ve become distant or cold or just busy … and I’ve stopped touching like I should. It doesn’t always happen naturally. Like anything else, our touch can become distorted.What a powerful message we can send through reaching out to touch our man.

“In effect, the body interprets supportive touch as ‘I’ll share the load.'” 

I want to challenge myself and you this week. Sometimes the caress of a fingertip is enough to speak volumes, but why not open your hand and lay it on your man and just let it rest for 5 seconds? It may not sound like a long time, but in our hurried pace of life, it often takes an intentional decision to stop what we’re doing, (kids, work, computer, whatever…) reach out, spread our hand, and let it rest while we count to 5. I also have a feeling it may do beautiful things.

Go ahead. Take the 5 Second Touch Challenge, and see what God gives you to enjoy!

I hope you’ll check out the great marriage post links below, share your thoughts with them, and let them know you came from Marriage Mondays at Come Have a Peace. If you link up, be sure to include the MM link button or mention that you’re linked to Marriage Mondays!


Share with a friend?

  • Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Pinterest
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email
  • More
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Tumblr
  • Click to print (Opens in new window) Print

Related

Previous Post: « Covenant #2 – Put on Your Robe!
Next Post: Marriage Mondays ~ 5 Sec Touch Challenge »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Christine- Fruit in Season says

    September 26, 2011 at 6:40 am

    I'm here from e-Mom's today.  I love this post!  My husband and I are very affectionate, especially at home.  He rubs my shoulders, I kiss him on the forehead, or sit on his lap, we hold hands.  I think it's so important to both of us…those little reminders.  Thanks for hosting!

  2. Julie_Sanders says

    September 26, 2011 at 7:13 am

    It sounds like you've established some great patterns Christine. Keep it up! That will bear "fruit in season" 😉 over and over.
    Julie Sanders
    http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com

    ________________________________

  3. LisaGrace says

    September 26, 2011 at 8:34 am

    I like this … very good insight 🙂

  4. Pamela Seay says

    September 26, 2011 at 9:35 am

    I'm up for this challenge.  My husband is under tremendous stress right now and it is affecting his blood pressure.  I'd do anything to help my husband to feel loved and to feel better.

  5. Julie_Sanders says

    September 26, 2011 at 9:57 am

    Just think, Pam, you could be the "medicine" your husband needs in so many ways! And there's no co-pay. 🙂 I know he'll be blessed by you, friend!
    Julie Sanders
    http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com

    ________________________________

  6. e-Mom says

    September 26, 2011 at 11:33 am

    Excellent words of encouragement! My husband is the affectionate one between us, and I don't give those deep massages frequently enough. My "British reserve" is no excuse! Good word, Julie.

  7. Julie_Sanders says

    September 26, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    Frequency is so important. Maybe you can set aside your "British reserve" and release your hidden Latin lover. 😉
    Julie Sanders
    http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com

    ________________________________

  8. Leigh Ann says

    September 26, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    I needed this reminder today. This is not something that comes naturally for me, but it is my husband's number one love language. In the busyness of life (and little ones), it is easy to let too much time go by before I intentionally touch my man. As a nursing mom, it's easy to feel "touched out" by the time the hubby gets home (or even by the time he heads off to work). However, he needs it, and truth be told, I need it too. Thanks for the reminder!

  9. Julie_Sanders says

    September 26, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    You're right … we "both" need it in our marriages. Those "nursing" seasons can be especially hard and tempting to put up the "All done for today" sign. It's not my natural love language either, so I can relate. Maybe an index card with "5 Sec" written on it and posted in a visible spot will be a good reminder to reach out and touch and make space to be touched. So funny how our little ones we both love so much can literally "get between" us.
    Julie Sanders
    http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com

    ________________________________

  10. Leigh Ann says

    September 26, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    Done! Posted 3 reminders throughout the house. Will give that a try. 🙂 Thanks!

    *In Grace,
    *

    *
    *

    *
    *

    *Leigh Ann Dutton* *
    *

    *Editor/Writer, Intentional By Grace*
    [email protected] | http://www.IntentionalByGrace.com
    [image: Facebook] [image: Twitter]
    [image: Twitter] Latest tweet: New at IBG: Mommy & Daddy’s Marriage Matters: Submission is an Inevitable Part of Marriage http://t.co/qlD3U6q4
    Follow @n10tionalgrace

    Reply

    Retweet
    09:01 Sep-26
    Get this email app!

    “"Grace is but glory begun, and glory is but grace perfected." – Jonathan
    Edwards
    ” Get this email app!

    Signature powered by

    WiseStamp

  11. Julie_Sanders says

    September 26, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    Leigh Ann you're awesome! Let me know how those reminders work. Be sure you put one on a handy burp clothe or box of nursing pads. 😉

  12. Cheri Gregory says

    September 26, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    This is such a great, practical post! 

    My husband has been working out for the last year and has lost some of the weight that had crept on during the first 23 years of our marriage (as of 9/11). He's feeling really good about how he looks and feels…and so am I! 

    But when things get busy, I forget to SHOW him how I feel…by feeling him. 😉  I need your concrete reminder to open up my hand — letting go of whatever else is occupying me — and lay my hands on my man!

  13. Julie_Sanders says

    September 26, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    Very important piece of the puzzle, Cheri … we have to "let go of whatever else is occupying us" to hold onto our man. That "showing" is so important … Enjoy reaching out  to reach out and touch!
    Julie Sanders
    http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com

    ________________________________

  14. Leigh Ann says

    September 26, 2011 at 6:49 pm

    Oh so sorry for the email signature being added to the comment. I forgot to delete it when I responded from email 🙁

    2 things I can share already…and humbling.

    1. The hubby thought my "5 sec" cards were reminders to him to shut the cabinet/dresser drawers. He thought I was hinting that it only takes 5 seconds to shut them, so shut them.

    2. He asked me what they were for after dinner. When I told him, he said, "Oh so that's why you rubbed my leg under the table at dinner. I was confused. I thought you changed your mind about being ready for another baby."

    Oh how revealing these two statements were. I have a lot of work to do. 😉

  15. Julie_Sanders says

    September 26, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    Julie Sanders
    http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com

    ________________________________

  16. Mrs Mary Joy Pershing says

    September 26, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    Julie,

    Excellent article!  YOu are so right!  It makes such a difference.  I love it when he reaches out and touches me and I have learned that it means a lot to him too.  The less often we have physical contact, the more distance there is between us in our relationship as well.  This is one of the very special things I love about our relationship.  We both make sure we are initiating touch many times a day.  Makes it so much nicer. 😀

    Blessings!!!

    Mrs Mary Joy Pershing
    surrenderedlivingnow.com

  17. Julie_Sanders says

    September 26, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    "many times a day" sounds like a great pattern Mary Joy!

    Julie Sanders
    http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com

    ________________________________

  18. Mac an Rothaich says

    September 27, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    True:)  The more I think about his need for this the more I am blessed as I sure enjoy his touch too.  Thanks

Primary Sidebar

Thanks so much for stopping in. I'm glad you're here. I believe we're meant to know peace in our lives, so I write about how to find it in our relationships and how to share it with others. I like to keep things sourced in God's truth and useful for life. May your moments here leave you with a little more peace for your days.

Let’s find a peace we can share together! Sign up for updates and receive a 7 Step Plan for a Personal Peace Retreat.

Privacy and Disclosure Policies

What others are saying

"Julie’s writings and teachings have been spiritual markers in my life. The deep knowledge of the Word she possesses, and they way in which she delivers it through her writing are deeply impactful. I would say that my favorite piece about Julie’s work is the way she speaks truth in love. She never waters down scripture to fit someone’s desires. And she does this with so much grace and compassion."

Susan - Homeschool Mom, Foster Mom & Business Consultant, Mt. Juliet, TN

Julie Sanders, Author and Speaker
5
2019-09-08T18:00:00-04:00

Susan - Homeschool Mom, Foster Mom & Business Consultant, Mt. Juliet, TN

"Julie’s writings and teachings have been spiritual markers in my life. The deep knowledge of the Word she possesses, and they way in which she delivers it through her writing are deeply impactful. I would say that my favorite piece about Julie’s work is the way she speaks truth in love. She never waters down scripture to fit someone’s desires. And she does this with so much grace and compassion."
https://juliesanders.org/testimonials/susan/
"Through the years and seasons of life, Julie willingly follows God's open doors and trusts Him at times when some windows have closed. I have gratefully watched, learned and gathered courage for my own following. Whether speaking, writing, or just being present, Julie's grace, wit, interests and love draw others closer in to listen and follow her in step with His grace and mercy."

Carla - Volunteer Coordinator, Harvest Church, Oswego, Illinois

Julie Sanders, Author and Speaker
5
2019-09-08T18:04:20-04:00

Carla - Volunteer Coordinator, Harvest Church, Oswego, Illinois

"Through the years and seasons of life, Julie willingly follows God's open doors and trusts Him at times when some windows have closed. I have gratefully watched, learned and gathered courage for my own following. Whether speaking, writing, or just being present, Julie's grace, wit, interests and love draw others closer in to listen and follow her in step with His grace and mercy."
https://juliesanders.org/testimonials/carla/
"Julie Sanders is uniquely gifted to speak the never-changing truth of God into the ever-changing lives of women. With authenticity and the confidence that grows from a journey of finding God faithful in every season, Julie calls women to find peace and comfort in Him alone."

Kristi - Women's Ministry Director, The Chapel in North Canton, Canton, OH

Julie Sanders, Author and Speaker
5
2019-09-13T21:32:41-04:00

Kristi - Women's Ministry Director, The Chapel in North Canton, Canton, OH

"Julie Sanders is uniquely gifted to speak the never-changing truth of God into the ever-changing lives of women. With authenticity and the confidence that grows from a journey of finding God faithful in every season, Julie calls women to find peace and comfort in Him alone."
https://juliesanders.org/testimonials/9175/
5
3
Julie Sanders, Author and Speaker

Join the Conversation

Join the Conversation
Find a peace we can share
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Copyright © 2026 Julie Sanders. All Rights Reserved. | Site by MRM | Privacy | Opt-Out

Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
  • Manage options
  • Manage services
  • Manage {vendor_count} vendors
  • Read more about these purposes
View preferences
  • {title}
  • {title}
  • {title}