If you knew you could do something guaranteed to reduce your husband’s stress load and increase satisfaction in your relationship, would you do it? What if it was as simple as spreading your hand and touching your man?
Last year the New York Times published a report by Benedict Carey about how touch, the first means of communication we learn, affects our relationships. Findings at the Touch Research Institute, “found that a massage from a loved one can not only ease pain but also soothe depression and strengthen a relationship.”
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A research team explored how physical touch in the National Basketball Association (Our men will listen to this sports tidbit, ladies ..) reflected how successful the teams are, and “with a few exceptions, good teams tended to be touchier than bad ones.”
“Players who made contact with teammates most consistently and longest tended to rate highest on measures of performance, and the teams with those players seemed to get the most out of their talent.” When the same test was applied to 69 couples, researchers found that couples who touched more were also more satisfied.
When we open our hands and take time to touch, we’re more “successful” in our relationships and we encourage each other to be our best. We can actually impact our husband’s stress level by touching consistently and often.
- When was the last time you held your husband’s hand? Did you initiate?
- When was the last time you put your arms around your husband?
- How often do you touch your husband’s face? (Wiping off food doesn’t count 😉 )
- Do you ever lay your open hand on your husband’s leg?
- Have you put your hand on your husband’s chest this week?
Ever since Genesis 3 men have been toiling in the world and experiencing stress; a wife’s touch can be a wonderful cure. “A warm touch seems to set off the release of oxytocin, a hormone that helps create a sensation of trust, and to reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol.” This is one way an excellent wife can help the heart of her husband to trust in her, so that “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life,” (Prov. 31:11-12). Touching reinforces mutual trust and helps lower stress levels.
What does your touch or your lack of touch say to your man? Does it speak trust, support, and confidence? Does it speak affection, desire, and encouragement? Or is it silent and cold? It’s saying SOMETHING, but what? Sometimes I have a wake up moment and realize I’ve become distant or cold or just busy … and I’ve stopped touching like I should. It doesn’t always happen naturally. Like anything else, our touch can become distorted.What a powerful message we can send through reaching out to touch our man.
“In effect, the body interprets supportive touch as ‘I’ll share the load.'”I want to challenge myself and you this week. Sometimes the caress of a fingertip is enough to speak volumes, but why not open your hand and lay it on your man and just let it rest for 5 seconds? It may not sound like a long time, but in our hurried pace of life, it often takes an intentional decision to stop what we’re doing, (kids, work, computer, whatever…) reach out, spread our hand, and let it rest while we count to 5. I also have a feeling it may do beautiful things.
Go ahead. Take the 5 Second Touch Challenge, and see what God gives you to enjoy!
I hope you’ll check out the great marriage post links below, share your thoughts with them, and let them know you came from Marriage Mondays at Come Have a Peace. If you link up, be sure to include the MM link button or mention that you’re linked to Marriage Mondays!
Christine- Fruit in Season says
I'm here from e-Mom's today. I love this post! My husband and I are very affectionate, especially at home. He rubs my shoulders, I kiss him on the forehead, or sit on his lap, we hold hands. I think it's so important to both of us…those little reminders. Thanks for hosting!
Julie_Sanders says
It sounds like you've established some great patterns Christine. Keep it up! That will bear "fruit in season" 😉 over and over.
Julie Sanders
http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com
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LisaGrace says
I like this … very good insight 🙂
Pamela Seay says
I'm up for this challenge. My husband is under tremendous stress right now and it is affecting his blood pressure. I'd do anything to help my husband to feel loved and to feel better.
Julie_Sanders says
Just think, Pam, you could be the "medicine" your husband needs in so many ways! And there's no co-pay. 🙂 I know he'll be blessed by you, friend!
Julie Sanders
http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com
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e-Mom says
Excellent words of encouragement! My husband is the affectionate one between us, and I don't give those deep massages frequently enough. My "British reserve" is no excuse! Good word, Julie.
Julie_Sanders says
Frequency is so important. Maybe you can set aside your "British reserve" and release your hidden Latin lover. 😉
Julie Sanders
http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com
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Leigh Ann says
I needed this reminder today. This is not something that comes naturally for me, but it is my husband's number one love language. In the busyness of life (and little ones), it is easy to let too much time go by before I intentionally touch my man. As a nursing mom, it's easy to feel "touched out" by the time the hubby gets home (or even by the time he heads off to work). However, he needs it, and truth be told, I need it too. Thanks for the reminder!
Julie_Sanders says
You're right … we "both" need it in our marriages. Those "nursing" seasons can be especially hard and tempting to put up the "All done for today" sign. It's not my natural love language either, so I can relate. Maybe an index card with "5 Sec" written on it and posted in a visible spot will be a good reminder to reach out and touch and make space to be touched. So funny how our little ones we both love so much can literally "get between" us.
Julie Sanders
http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com
________________________________
Leigh Ann says
Done! Posted 3 reminders throughout the house. Will give that a try. 🙂 Thanks!
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Julie_Sanders says
Leigh Ann you're awesome! Let me know how those reminders work. Be sure you put one on a handy burp clothe or box of nursing pads. 😉
Cheri Gregory says
This is such a great, practical post!
My husband has been working out for the last year and has lost some of the weight that had crept on during the first 23 years of our marriage (as of 9/11). He's feeling really good about how he looks and feels…and so am I!
But when things get busy, I forget to SHOW him how I feel…by feeling him. 😉 I need your concrete reminder to open up my hand — letting go of whatever else is occupying me — and lay my hands on my man!
Julie_Sanders says
Very important piece of the puzzle, Cheri … we have to "let go of whatever else is occupying us" to hold onto our man. That "showing" is so important … Enjoy reaching out to reach out and touch!
Julie Sanders
http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com
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Leigh Ann says
Oh so sorry for the email signature being added to the comment. I forgot to delete it when I responded from email 🙁
2 things I can share already…and humbling.
1. The hubby thought my "5 sec" cards were reminders to him to shut the cabinet/dresser drawers. He thought I was hinting that it only takes 5 seconds to shut them, so shut them.
2. He asked me what they were for after dinner. When I told him, he said, "Oh so that's why you rubbed my leg under the table at dinner. I was confused. I thought you changed your mind about being ready for another baby."
Oh how revealing these two statements were. I have a lot of work to do. 😉
Julie_Sanders says
Julie Sanders
http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com
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Mrs Mary Joy Pershing says
Julie,
Excellent article! YOu are so right! It makes such a difference. I love it when he reaches out and touches me and I have learned that it means a lot to him too. The less often we have physical contact, the more distance there is between us in our relationship as well. This is one of the very special things I love about our relationship. We both make sure we are initiating touch many times a day. Makes it so much nicer. 😀
Blessings!!!
Mrs Mary Joy Pershing
surrenderedlivingnow.com
Julie_Sanders says
"many times a day" sounds like a great pattern Mary Joy!
Julie Sanders
http://www.comehaveapeace.blogspot.com
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Mac an Rothaich says
True:) The more I think about his need for this the more I am blessed as I sure enjoy his touch too. Thanks