Congratulations to Angela, winner of last week’s giveaway! And it sounds like “Doubles Tennis” was the hands down winner for the best comparison to of an Olympic sport to marriage.  I also loved the comment that “A gold medal gal is one who … remembers how much she has been forgiven.”

If you think your husband seems more moody, preoccupied, and less chatty than usual, you might just be right. And if the man that “only had eyes for you” can’t seem to take his gaze away from his screen, or lights up when he hears “Siri’s” voice instead of yours,  your marriage might be addicted.

Last week Michael Hyatt posted a podcast about “What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains” in response to a July 9 Newsweek article “Is the Internet Making Us Crazy?”  FASCINATING! The bottom line is that research shows the internet is rewiring our brains, pushing many to  the brink of mental illness, and changing the thought-climate in which we live.

• Most Americans view a tech screen for at least 8 hours a day
• 1/3 of iPhone users are online before they’re out of bed
• The average person gets about 400 texts each month

China, Korea, and Taiwan recognize Internet Addiction Disorder as a legitimate diagnosis and have even gone so far as to create centers for treatments to care for millions driven by the new addiction. Even for people who never expressed such tendencies, the new global connectedness taps into a sleeping monster, often lured in by seemingly innocent entry ways like gaming and social media. Hard core internet behaviors like pornography are harder to cover up. Some researchers even call gaming and gambling online “serious risk factors” leading to internet addiction.

Changing brains

Newsweek reports that, “The brains of Internet addicts, it turns out, look like the brains of drug and alcohol addicts.” China revealed study results in January 2012, showing the growth of  “’abnormal white matter’—essentially extra nerve cells built for speed—in the areas charged with attention, control, and executive function.'” A similar study showed the gray matter of the brain changing, shrinking by about 10-20 percent, impacting abilities of memory, emotion, speech, and control, to name a few.  “And worse, the shrinkage never stopped: the more time online, the more the brain showed signs of ‘atrophy.'”  We have the impression that we’re smarter than ever, but we’re really losing ground.

The more we live plugged in, the more ground we lose mentally, emotionally, and relationally. Research proves it. Life online appeals to men and women differently, but both husbands and wives are changing in our wired world. Do you have your head in the sand on this one?

It’s not surprising that a rise in OCD and ADHD diagnoses have been documented in the last decade. As technology has become more personal and portable, it feeds the need to stay connected, avoid missing out, and feel included.  It encourages obsession and a need for control. As studies reveal how tech impacts us, evidence shows that the more we’re plugged in, the less content we tend to be. Depression and hopelessness grow with the amount of time online.

Signs of technology addiction:

• more than 38 hours online/week
• restlessness when offline or out of range
• secrecy about web activity or relationships
• preoccupation online when with real people
• lack of success in attempts to cut back or unplug
• internet replacing sleep, exercise, or real interaction
• emotional reactions to online interactions

The online world is changing people, and marriages are not getting away unscathed. Recent evidence suggests that “the digital impact may last not only for a day or a week, but for years down the line.”

So what should you do if you’re husband has become an avatar in an online world or a cyborg who has an iPhone for a hand who communicates more via Twitter than in bed?

Don’t:

• even think about virtual nagging; it doesn’t work in the real or online world
• lash out on social media, distancing your real husband in the real world
• withdraw into your own virtual world; he’ll have no reason to “come back”

Do:

• have a face to face talk, sharing how the tech connect makes you feel
• communicate virtually via text, email, etc if you can’t get through …
• remain accessible, and give him a reason to want to be with the “real” you

For more encouragement about life online:

• eBabies + iTeens + YouToo: See Mommy Text by Cheri Gregory
• Walk the Line by Kristi Stephens

Are you experiencing the influence of the internet in your marriage?

Join me starting Wednesday for a School Supplies series, including some ways the internet is changing moms.