If we aren’t careful, kids can become “too big” in our marriage. They arrive as gifts shared and loved by a husband and wife, but they can’t help but try to wiggle their way into the middle of our beds, our movie nights, our dinner dates … our lives. Is it okay to throw ourselves into being A+ Moms and let that count as the work of being a good wife, too? We have to ask: “Is being a good wife the same as being a good mom?”
Find out what God says and check out the 4 Do’s of being a good wife AND mom today on my post at The Mom Initiative.
Matthew 19:5-6 says, “‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Maybe it should say “let not kids separate!”
How to Keep Kids From Becoming Your Mate
- When you have to pick a side, pick your husband’s.
- Leave your kids sometimes. (Dates, weekends?)
- Speak well of your husband to your children.
- Correct your kids if they complain about dad.
- Point out gratitude due the father.
- Be affectionate in front of your kids.
- Tell your kids that your time together is important.
- Nurture what the two of you can share & enjoy.
- Take pictures of the two of you together … sans kids.
- Sleep without kids in the bed and lock your door sometimes.
Sometimes wives who love their husbands have children that they love together, but without even realizing it they let the children take over and own them. Someday those children grow up and make a life of their own, and wives wonder how they ever stopped knowing and being known by their husbands. We put an unnatural burden on our children when we expect them to take the place of the “spouse” in our lives. Children are blessed when moms remember they are first wives.
Our husbands will thank us if we keep our love and devotion to our kids what God meant it to be. They’ll thank us for guarding their #1 position in our hearts and lives. Our kids will thank us for being a good wife that contributes to a strong family that overflows into their lives and trains them up to be the men and women of God they are born to be.
Which of the 10 “How to’s” is the hardest for you?
Thanks for the great tips!! Its definitely hard to seperate the two sometimes especially with a teenager and homeschooling. I spend more time with him than my own husband sometimes and then that said teenager likes to butt in with his opinion when talking and making decisions with the husband. I always say I remember just marrying one person on my wedding day!!
You’re right in the midst of this challenge, aren’t you? It can be easy to feel closer to your “young adult child” than your husband just because of what you mentioned … the amount of time you spend together. You are wise to be alert to the challenge, wise to remember who you married ;), and wise to know that “said teenager” may be butting in when it’s a mom&dad conversation. Just when we get really good at having little kids … they start to grow up and change all the dynamics! Press on, Heather!