Out of the wedding & into the winepress

Marriage Monday

Until last year the idea of grape stomping made me crack up. Images of Lucy dancing around, sparring with an old pro (or should we say “old toe?”) Italian stomper, made me want to find a giant barrel of fruit and jump in. I love the peasant shirt she wore, the way she tied up her skirt to be “stomp ready,” her earrings that swing around during the scene, and the classic conflict that erupts as Lucy’s playful dance turns into an all-out war of grapes with her Mediterranean counterpart. Grape smashing looks like a lot of fun! Don’t believe it.

The winepress can crush you.

No one has the winepress on their mind when they get married. Our wedding day is a day full of thoughts of bliss, but every couple faces some time in the winepress. After some time in the press ourselves, I reflected on how the whole process isn’t that different from Lucy’s romp in the vat.

At first, we might just consider it a challenge. We’re not sure how we feel about being put into the press, but we hike up our skirts and decide to make the best of it. Our desire to get the job done kicks in, and we try to prove we can stomp our troubles with the best of them. Before long, all of the crushing takes it toll. We start to lose our footing, sling a few grapes at those on our same team, and before long we find ourselves doing battle with someone else and not just the grapes. After a while, we end up covered with grapes, worn out and defeated, not really one of our stellar moments.

A real winepress is all about the crushing. Ancient presses were made of stone, with rough edges that made it easier to cut and crush the skins of the tender grapes, draining all of the sweet juice in the process. More modern presses include a screwing device to press down on the grapes, putting so much pressure on them that they burst, letting the juice flow out. To extract the precious liquid of the fruit, it has to be crushed.

This year Jeff and I have spent some time in the winepress. Every couple faces circumstances that threaten to crush them. Pressure from finances, family relationships, challenges at work, child rearing problems, and life changing decisions impose pressure on a husband and wife that leave them feeling as if they’ll burst. If you’ve moved from the wedding to the winepress, you may find that some of what I’ve learned will help you with your husband.

How to help your husband in the winepress

• Hold on to your man; it’s easier to keep your balance.
• Do your part to work alongside your husband.
• If your husband needs time alone to think and pray, wait patiently.
• When your husband wants to talk, be ready to listen.
• Keep your home a peaceful place of refuge in the midst of trouble.
• Get on your knees and cry out to God who hears you.

There will be a time when the two of you say, “I am feeble and crushed; I groan because of the tumult of my heart.”   That’s the time to get on your face before the Lord and say, “O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you,” (Psalm 38:8-9).

Even in the times of married life when we are crushed and pressed down, we are not hidden from the Lord. The “tumult” of our hearts is intimately understood by the Lord Himself, and He wants us to come to Him individually and as a couple to ask Him to bring us out of our trials whole. 

The wine press is a hard place to be, to stand firmly, to keep going, and it’s easy to start fighting. A wine press is made to crush whatever is in it in order to draw out the sweetness. Husbands and wives don’t live in a perpetual “wedding mode,” but they are guaranteed to walk through multiple “winepress seasons.” When you feel the rough press beneath your feet, resist the urge to fight with your mate or abandon them there. Call on the Lord to give you strength and bring you out together.

 

• Have you spent any time in the “winepress” since your wedding?
• Did you ever find yourself  in conflict with your mate as a result?
• What helped you most to persevere individually? As a couple?