The prayer that changed my marriage

I always wanted to have a friend in Texas. I think it’s a leftover sentiment from listening to the song “If you’re ever down in Texas look me up!” One of the surprise blessings of the worldwide web is finding fellowship and friendship in faraway places. Now … I have SEVERAL FRIENDS IN TEXAS!  I think a road trip might be in my future.

Today on this summer of wedded wisdom from my girlfriends, I invited Texan Dana Bailey, mom of 11, (that’s right … go back and read it again, ELEVEN) to share about a prayer that changed her marriage. Y’all say “Howdy” to Dana!

I was so frustrated with my marriage. My husband wasn’t meeting my needs and it didn’t matter what I did, nothing changed. We seemed like two cars, going in the opposite direction.

One night, around 2 AM, I woke up & couldn’t go back to sleep. I was so bothered by my husbands’ lack of affection & attention to me. On this particular night I couldn’t sleep so I started to pray for my husband. When all else fails pray…right?

“I just can’t get Scott to wake up & realize how he is not meeting my needs & I would really appreciate it if you would tell him to do these things for me. I just feel so lonely and frustrated. You are God. Tell him to buck up & be a man lead his family and take care of his wife.”

As I prayed, telling God what I needed from my husband, my prayer shifted from me and onto Scott.

“I LOVE him so much God. He is a wonderful father and an even better husband. He loves you more than he loves me. Thank you so much for giving him to me. What does he need from me?”

The words were barely out of my mouth before the Lord began to fill my mind with a long list of things my husband needed from me. I got up and went in the other room so I could write these things down. I looked at this long list and began to weep. I understood now.

How could I expect my husband to do anything for me when I was not meeting his needs? I expected him to do for me what I would not do for him. I wept and asked God to forgive me and help me to act on these things that God had showed me.

Part of my list:

• tell him you appreciate him
• tell him you are proud of him
• tell him he is a great dad
• Thank him for being a fantastic husband

What was not on my list?

• More sex
• Wash his clothes
• Fix his dinner

God knew what he needed even if Scott didn’t know. Over the next few weeks I worked on the list. I tried hard to encourage him and bless him with positive words. I noticed something after a while. He was meeting my needs. He was doing many of those things that I wanted him to do and I had never mentioned any of them to him.

Now, when I begin feeling needy I examine my own heart and actions towards my husband. Many times I am the one who needs to shape up. I ask the Lord to help me be faithful to my role as Scott’s wife. It isn’t easy, but I am always blessed by the results.

Proverbs 31:11. “Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life.”

About Dana Bailey
Dana has been married for 22 years to Scott. He is her knight in shining armor and together they are raising a mighty army of 11 children. They live in the loudest house on the block where dinner time can be compared to how Jesus fed the 5,000 and they would have it no other way! Dana is passionate about sharing with moms the importance of finding joy in their role as wife and mom. You can find Dana on her personal blog, writing about her crazy life as a mom of 11 or you can find her at her new site, Joy Moms,  where she shares snippets of a book she is writing on the joy of motherhood. She is also honored to be a part of The M.O.M Initiative writing team.