Last Saturday, we strolled by an outdoor cafe as a family of four was packing up to leave their table at the far corner of the patio. An older gentleman leaned over to tell the parents, “You certainly have some well behaved children. That’s great.”  The mom smiled thankfully, but looked slightly like she wanted to keep moving, (time was running out, I guess …) while the dad answered, “Thank you. I guess we got lucky today!”

Is it just luck when kids behave well in public? Do all the stars have to be aligned just right for excursions with kids to go well? I hope you’ve read these posts to help you prepare for success if you’re “out” with little ones of your own or “out” next to the little ones of someone else.

• Managing Little People in Public
• Survival Guide for Taking Kids to Restaurants
• Why it’s worth it: little kids in a big world
• Godliness, grace, and kids meals

Non-kid friends, don’t feel left out. You need to know the first steps to take in handling life in public with little people.

1. Don’t be afraid to ask a solo parent if you can help them; you may be the answer to their prayer!
2. Smile.  At the parent and the child. Let them know it’s okay; they’re working hard and doing their best.
3. Pray for them. Really. They need you to pray for them to have wisdom, patience, and obedience.  God listens.
4. If their practice poses a lot of stress to you (hearing/ stability/ confusion), that’s okay.
5. Be honest, but be kind. Choose another seat, another pew, another restaurant, or another day.

You model gracious behavior as you respond. If you see a parent struggle time after time, week after week, and you have a relationship with them, it may be time for you to graciously and lovingly ask the parent if you can have coffee … at your house … or at the park. 🙂 They might be longing for someone to give them honest feedback (or they might just need it) or for someone to care enough to ask if they need help or prayer or a babysitter! Be ready to help them if they are open and willing.

Here are some tips by age group to give parents a start in the right direction when planning the next restaurant outing with little ones.  And as for church services and meetings? That’s a whole different list, but there’s definitely some overlap!

Tips for taking infants out

1. Babes are you-dependent. Plan well with well chosen items, including a blanket for cool rooms or nursing times.
2. Babies need to practice grasping. Take or order food/utensils you are comfortable letting them handle & try.
3. Ask for a table in a quiet area or choose a quiet restaurant.
4. Feed baby right before you go.
5. Baby is social. Even as you talk, give some eye contact to your infant.

Tips for taking toddlers out

1. Involve little one in praying at the table.
2. Use your touch to wordlessly manage their movement & provide attention.
3. Baby is practicing fine motor skills, so have a fork/spoon/cup baby can use.
4. Provide items from your meals that baby can “work” with in the dump/fill stage.
5. Be prepared with a board book you can use to point to and talk about.
6. Movement is the challenge here. Be reasonable and provide varied seating (booster to lap to booster to lap), but teach baby about “time to sit” and “quiet talking.”

Tips for taking elementary children out

1. Help your children learn to listen and respond in conversation. Coach them beforehand, during, and after.
2. Provide a small spiral notebook and baggie of pencils for writing; encourage them to draw what they see/hear.
3. The menu is a great resource for practice reading, playing I Spy, and playing trivia games.
4. Elementary children need to be engaged, without being egocentric. Talk to them.
5. Involve children in come beginning decisions about ordering, serving, and paying for food.

Tips for taking middle schoolers out

1. Keep them engaged by including them in ordering, conversation, and observations of other people.
2. Use the setting, style of food, and other customers to talk about variety of cultures and people groups.
3. Ask your child to pray before your meal, or ask them if there’s anything you can pray about as you lead.
4. Expect your child to put into practice the courtesy they’ve been learning.
5. It’s definitely time to “dress for dinner,” whatever that means for where you’re going. They will be more likely to act in a polite way if they take time to dress (even if it’s just clean clothes) for the outing.

Tips for taking teens out

1. Involve your student before you go; include them in choosing a destination, or inform them about where you’re headed. Talk about the dress/manners that suit the occasion.
2. Ordering is an opportunity for learning about parts of a meal, cost of food, budgeting, and considering others.
3. The table provides a setting for learning; model how to use the tableware more than you explain it.
4. Use the outing to invite your student to share their life and thoughts; give them a taste for enjoying relationships over meals out.
5. Invite their observations and inferences about the setting, the staff processes, and the overall experience; teach them to think like Jesus about the world around them.

You may be getting the message that taking kids out in public, especially restaurants, means you are “at work.”  Yes, you are. Children don’t do well on auto-pilot; they need your supervision and engagement. If things start to go downhill, don’t be afraid to step outside or into the restroom to re-train/remind/re-set your child’s understanding and behavior. Be prepared to maintain standards of obedience in public, as an extension of standards at home. If you need a night “off,” that’s the night to get a babysitter. Work hard when your children are young, and the dividends will pay off in children who are enjoyable to take out. 

Are you in a season of life status where you’re training kids in public places? Do you have a tip that works for you? Other parents want to know what you’ve discovered, so feel free to share it here in the comments or on the CHP Facebook page.

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