So by now you know that when it comes to getting small kids out into the big world, it’s crucial. Managing kids in public places is about more than setting up good photo ops for Facebook pictures; it’s about nurturing an understanding of people and the world in which we live. Just like teenagers can’t learn to drive a real car on a real road simply by playing video hours of Need for Speed, children can’t learn to be socially insightful and responsive unless they get out there to watch and learn.
But it’s so much work to take young kids “out.” I know. But sweet mom who has restaurant nightmares and church service premonitions, it’s worth it. You are giving it your all and going the extra mama-mile, and you will be so glad you did. But what if there was a way to use less energy, get better results, and actually enjoy yourself while doing it … if only in single digit minutes at a time? Would you do it? I’m about to tell you something that will change everything.
Help for those with children
First, know why you’re going to all the trouble; putting your purpose into words will empower you. You are doing the work of taking your kids to church or restaurants or libraries or stores because you are exposing them to variety: Variety of people other than you. Variety of situations they will learn to navigate. Variety of opportunities to meet new foods, smells, sounds, and feelings they should understand. And as their world is widened, they watch you model a wide open armed response filtered through a heart of discernment.
As children “meet the world,” you prepare them to understand that “God so loved the world that He gave,” (John 3:16) and the soil of their heart is plowed and prepared to have compassion planted there. If you stay home all the time out of fear or exhaustion or dread, your child’s God-given purpose will struggle to take root and thrive. They will be under-equipped to manage the world on their own, because the day will come when they will have to. In familiar places like your local library, the deli counter at your store, or the nursery window at your church, your little one will learn to see the world beyond her own family’s table. It’s worth it to get out so your child can have a heart for the world.
And before we move on to those without children, understanding your purpose in getting the kiddos out is not just for you to know. TELL your kids. Tell them when they’re in the car seat. Tell them when they move up to the high chair. Tell them when they start to use the coloring paper. Tell them when they’re old enough to order. Tell them when they graduate from the kids menu. TELL your kids the REASON why you go to the trouble of training them out in public.
Help for those without children
Non-kid-toter, inviting children into the world of big people means some added noise, some random crumbs, some unexpected outbursts, and some spills. But by welcoming little ones into your space with a smile and a whispered prayer for their family, you are following in the steps of the Prince of Peace who commanded, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven,” (Matthew 19:14). Without a child currently dangling from your own finger, you are a divine foster friend and parent, helping the next generation to blossom in a world that would just as soon crush them.
For many of us, we have watched children be “dedicated” by hopeful parents determined to do their best; we affirmed that we would pray for them and help them and support them. We just didn’t think it would mean having toddler toes kick the back of the seat, split the quiet of a meditation, or change the atmosphere of our dining table. But it may. You, as well as the parents, have a part in teaching the children of today to be culture-wise grown ups of tomorrow.
What’s Next
And speaking of tomorrow, that’s when I’ll tell you where godliness meets grace over a kids meal. Until then, sweet parents, embrace this purpose! Like everything else you have tackled as a well-informed, skilled parent, dive in to being skilled at managing kids in public places.
Here’s a Survival Guide to Taking Kids to Restaurants. Those of us around you are cheering for you, praying for you, and ready to help you wipe up your spills. Together, we are training little ones to be ready for the big world.
Thank you for this post Julie. I have been pondering taking a break from my small group because I feel like all I do is try to keep Piper quiet. I feel like we are a distraction for the rest of the group and it is exhausting! I don’t know what the answer is, but thank you for your encouragement.
Oh, friend, small group can be a challenge. You’ve probably already brainstormed a lot of different ways to manage this. Is Piper the only child in the group? Some solutions I’ve used/seen are: hiring a babysitter to come to the group, recruiting a teen or “free” adult to come and serve in childcare, babysitter at home, older child to play with during group time, taking turns for childcare so each adult can participate, providing some quiet play/work for children to do “in the back” while the group meets, asking your small group to brainstorm solutions so you can be involved. It’s not easy to solve this challenge well when you want children to be a part of the community and know other grown ups, but you want to be able to engage in the group and allow others to engage also. Depending on the age, even some toddlers can understand a conversation about “Mommy needs to listen and learn and it’s hard for me to think when I’m trying to help you play.” This is definitely an issue for you and your husband to work through together and for you to share with your group. I know they’ll want what’s best for the group, but that also includes you, your husband, and your sweet Piper. Keep working at it, sweet Rebekah. It’s worth it!
Thanks Julie! Piper has some pretty bad separation anxiety right now and ONLY wants mommy. We are trying to work through this. There are some older children in the group, but not old enough to babysit. Thank you for your suggestions.