Marriage Mondays

A marriage parasite may look a lot like a past-time such as football, hunting, fishing, running, (you add your own) and video gaming. With an Enemy skilled at taking good things and distorting them to become weapons of sabotage, it’s no wonder today’s wide range of play has become a tool for eating away at married life.

This summer a 60 yr old man began to complain of regular headaches, fainting, and convulsions plaguing him. Little did he know that indulging in undercooked seafood (Did someone say sushi? Jeff LOVES sushi!) had done more than satisfy his appetite for exotic fare. In fact, his pleasure was the means of entry for a burrowing parasite that had wormed its way underneath his skull and into his brain. The New York Daily News reported that the 6 inch unwelcome organism was extracted in a 3 hour surgery. It’s not so easy to get rid of PLAY when it becomes embedded in a husband’s heart and mind.

How does a husband’s hobby become a parasite?

1. When a man works hard, he needs to rest. God wants this for him, and his wife should too. Remember, our goal is to do him good? (Prov. 31:12)
2. Our culture encourages men to be boys far into their adulthood, not ready for responsibility.A lot of $ is spent to market toys/play to men.
3. Temptations are more convenient than ever; it’s hard to resist going overboard. Now even opening “the mail” comes with temptations to play.
4. Many forms of “play” are wired to arouse dopamine in a man, the “addiction” hormone. Satan isn’t stupid. He can use a hobby to divide a family.
5. A man may have a reason at work or home or personally that he seeks to escape. If a wife becomes a nag, he can run to a nearby “escape.”

How do you know if his play is a parasite?

1. Does he repeatedly choose the hobby and ignore needs at home?
2. Does he spend large amounts or otherwise designated money on the hobby?
3. Does he make excuses in order to invest his attention or time in the activity?
4. Does he spend excessive time away from the family to pursue his activity?
5. Does he give his “best” self to the play instead of to the Lord or to you?

What to do if your man is playing with a parasite

1. Pray about it. (Do you see a theme here?) Ask God to show you if you’re being selfish, to give you godly expectations, and to prepare your husband for #2.
2. Don’t take it personally. Looks beyond the symptoms that frustrate you and try to see the reason behind your husband’s misplaced affections.
3. Communicate with him, but be careful he doesn’t hear you say:   “I hate your hobby and your hobby friends. I only want you to be with me. I don’t want you to have any fun. You don’t deserve to rest.” Yup. Then YOU have a parasite. We’ll talk about that later this week …
4. Share with him how you need and want more of his attention or time or energy (throw in affection … he’ll love that!) and how the “play thing” can keep you from having more of him. Your goal is oneness. He wants to be close to his bride too.
5. Ask him if you could agree on one change that would bring the past-time to a healthy place in your lives. It might be YOU joining him or a time limit or an accountability partner. If you can’t come to agreement, it may be time to seek the counsel of a godly couple or pastor, but it’s definitely not time to complain to your girlfriend.

When Mr. Ming went to the doctor with migraines, I’m glad they didn’t just hit him over the head, cut his head off, or put a pillow case over his head. Like any parasite, you
really need to find the TRUE reason for the pain you experience. You might want to focus on the symptoms, but don’t be distracted from getting to the real issue. Marital strife usually points to more than a 6 inch worm.

Sweet wife friends, football isn’t bad. Hunting isn’t bad. Video games aren’t bad. Jeff even says sushi isn’t bad (I bed to differ here. Blech!) But if the enemy is looking for a way to plant something under the skull of your marital relationship (and HE IS!), he might just pick out something good in your lives, a source of rest and relaxation and fun, and turn it into something deadly. A hobby. If your husband’s play is giving YOU a headache, it might be time to talk about what’s behind that.