This week a Polk County, Florida sheriff arrested a 12 and 14 yr old girl for felony aggravated stalking via cyberbullying. A case of bullying by up to 15 “mean girls” in middle school, the problem all began because of a coveted boyfriend. Rebecca Sedwick became the target of torment; her friends were harassed by association.
The 12 year old oppressor was released on “home detention.” The 14 year old attacker remains in jail. And the target of the jealousy? On September 9th, Rebecca jumped to her death. She would’ve turned 13 this weekend. Unlike bullying of days gone by, Rebecca couldn’t get away. When she was out of school, her tormenters followed through social media. Technology makes it possible for criminal intent to lie in wait within status updates of Facebook or images on YouTube. With cyberbullying, aggressors lurk online, poised for moments when the vulnerable step into the cross-hairs of social media weapons.
A World for Cyberbullying
Today’s kids grow up in a world that places little value on life. It’s no wonder. Entertainment glorifies violence, makes the walking dead (zombies, in case you’ve missed the trend) attractive, and glorifies witches as staples of hit TV shows and video games. Hatred and attack as options to get what you want are the “norm” for adolescents navigating relationships. What’s a parent to do so our kids don’t become the focus of a bully’s toxic obsession?
These are not fail proof suggestions or indictments of Rebecca’s grief stricken parents. But in a cyberbullying world, we need to put some basic guardrails in place around the tender lives of our kids.
The ABC’s of Parenting in a Cyberbullying World
A – Attention
Just when our kids need more parental attention to navigate an unpredictable world, many adults are preoccupied and distracted. Kids need parents who are available and interested in the things of their lives: friends, classes, fears, dreams, jobs, driving, faith, questions, sports, hobbies, interests. If we’re too busy as parents to take regular, intentional, in-depth interest in our kids, someone else will. If we don’t have time to follow them on Facebook or watch their Tweets, someone else will. Kids today will never know what it is to live unplugged; they need our help to navigate the wires.
B – Boundaries
Even though kids live in a wired world, they don’t have to participate in every social media outlet. Our children need our caring involvement in their lives to help them understand the dangers of technology. Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd encouraged parents to be parents, not friends, to their kids. Wise parents set up boundaries for the well-being of their children, and they teach their children how to set up boundaries of their own. None of the broken hearted parents in this case were willing to remove their daughter’s internet access. There is a high price to pay for the absence of boundaries.
C – Conversation
Fight cyberbullying the same way we’ve handled teachable moments and life challenges throughout history: communicate. When parents nurture conversation with kids and create an environment of safety, children seek support and wisdom at home. Kids rarely start to talk to a parent in times of crisis if they didn’t talk in good times. God uses parents to listen, teach, and guide children through life’s conflicts and choices. In a world where cyberbullies lurk beneath the surface of a screen saver, parents must commit to a culture of conversation in the home.
No one imagined that a middle school crush would lead to torment, despair, and loss of life. We learn so many lessons from such a tragedy. I can’t imagine what the 14 year old aggressor is thinking tonight from her prison cell. She may not even be thinking about Rebecca’s family or the life of her peer that will never be lived. After all, she lives in a world where we hit “reset” and start over. But she can’t start over in real life.
Parents today can’t afford to choose distraction. Let’s help our kids know life is precious, that Jesus gave his to spare ours, and that true love is not jealous. Kids need the gift of our consistent attention, loving boundaries, and open conversation.
Online Resources about Internet Safety for Parents:
