Do you tend to hold on tight? You’ve heard of “helicopter moms” or “Velcro couples?” Every woman who has a man in her life has the potential to be selfish with him. You find a guy friend who is like a brother. You have a son who’s growing up. You meet the love of your life and start “talking.” You say your vows & enter wedded bliss.
Whatever your connection to the guy in your world, it’s easy for a woman to want to hang on … tight! Some women find themselves loving their fella so much, but fearing the day he may leave. If he’s a son, there will come a day when it’s right and good for him to leave his mama’s side. If it’s a friend, circumstances may change the dynamic. If it’s the love of your life, your bond should be permanent, but not oppressive. In our longing to hold on, we might create a relational death grip that suffocates the relationship and actually sends the man running for cover and a place to breathe!
A healthy man is a shared man.
When we feel compelled to keep someone to ourselves or fear them leaving, we’re thinking more of ourselves than of the one we love. In fact, we’re not really acting in love at all, because love isn’t selfish. Instead of harboring a possessive spirit, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4) A healthy man needs others in his life besides you; you can not meet all of his needs, even if you’re married. Like you need other friends, even other males, your guy does too. To be healthy, he needs other people.
It’s a fine line between offering your loved guy freedom and presenting a “ball and chain” relationship. Many modern men resist committing to a relationship out of fear it will suck the life out them; they see men who faded into shadows of who they once were after they tied the knot. Whether it’s the mother of a grown son or a friend or a girlfriend or a wife, a man wants to know meaningful relationships won’t cost him his manhood.
How to know if you need to share him
- Do you count the amount of time he spends with you?
- Do you find yourself angry at others he is with?
- Do you find yourself giving the silent treatment after time apart?
- Do you find yourself feeling insecure when he talks about others?
- Do you find yourself always trying to make sure he knows you need him?
Shared men are more likely to make commitments in relationships. As we grace them with our trust and freedom, they are more likely to appreciate us and enjoy the time we’re together.
Where to share him
- Share him with other family members
- Share him with the lost
- Share him with brothers in Christ
- Share him with people in need
- Share him with children
- Share him with His Heavenly Father
When you share the guy in your life, he will know you trust his love to stand the test of time and distance and others. If he senses a woman he loves is wrapping her relational hands around his neck in a desperate attempt to hold on to him, he will suffocate and try to pull away.
As a mom watches her son grow up and embrace the world, he needs to know she will share him. As a man develops friendships with people in and out of the body of Christ, he needs to know freedom to connect with and influence them in relationships. As a boy grows up and possibly takes a wife, he needs to know he’ll be shared by his mother and by his wife. The only one to ever “claim” a man is a wife, and even then, she must love him enough to share him. A healthy man is a shared man.
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