No one has to remind me to think of myself. It comes quite naturally to most of us. And when Jeff’s been gone, for a long day at the office or for most of May, the lineup of what’s important to talk about has “ME” at the top of the list. It’s not easy to hold back when hubby has been gone for a day or a week. An excellent wife strives for self-control to win out over spouse-control.

Self-control is challenging sometimes

When Jeff arrived home after 2 weeks in Romania (following my week in Romania), I had 3 weeks worth of things to talk about. My mental bulletin board had a long list of things to do, decide, and tackle.  I called it, “Things to Talk About as Soon as Jeff Gets Home.” Little did my weary traveler know what awaited him. The ambush was set.

It’s not easy to hold back when hubby comes home!

Self-control vs. spouse control

If we’re to live yielded to Christ, yielding starts at home by moving “ME” out of the #1 position. Interestingly enough, God used a single man to deliver this critical message, almost if to tell us this truth is not just for married folks. It’s for all who call themselves “Christians” (little Christs), but marriage makes for a prime practice opportunity.  Despite texting and emailing and mobile phones, we still often have to wait to talk about issues loaded with emotion and significance. That doesn’t mean we can “unload” at first sight of our partner. Instead of giving in to our instinct to “put yourself forward” (this is what the biblical word for STRIFE means), we can learn loving self-control by holding back out of regard for him.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.  (Philippians 2:3 – ESV).

Pride puts hubby down

Other versions help us understand that “selfish ambition or conceit” refers to ambition and selfish purposes. The idea conveys an attitude of rivalry to get into the most important position, being jealous of the other person’s significance. Pride is behind an insistence on vomiting my list the moment my man walks in.

I defeat his value and claim prominence for myself when I force myself forward. Instead, God directs me to give more value to my husband than I give to myself. With a humble spirit, He wants my thoughts to place greater value on my man’s thoughts. I show regard (love?) for him by applying self-control and putting him in the #1 position. To insist on immediately, verbally dumping my list when hubby gets home is to put him down.

I love what the Expanded Bible version says: “When you do things, do not let ·selfishness [rivalry; selfish ambition] or pride be your guide. Instead, be humble and give more ·honor [regard; value] to others than to yourselves.”

The Common English Bible says it this way: “Don’t do anything for selfish purposes, but with humility think of others as better than yourselves.”

When do you need self-control?

Your man might not ever spend two weeks away in Romania, but he might be at the office for the day. He might be out fishing for the evening. He could even spend what feels like the whole weekend at the church. In any case, there will come a time when you’re tempted to ambush him at the door with the list of all you want to tell him, talk about, and ask of him. I know it’s not easy when you’ve been making decisions, managing alone, or solo-manhandling kiddos!  Turn on that self-control and say to yourself, “Whoa, girl!”

Instead, love him enough to hold back. Show him consideration and wait until it’s a good time to unload. Let him go first in sharing about his day with you. Let him be at the top of your list, and he’ll be more likely to listen to what’s on your heart and mind.

TWEET THIS > Have a long list you’re waiting to talk to hubby about? http://wp.me/p2H4E4-1BJ Love him enough to hold back. #MarriageMondays #Self-control

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