Have they started to creep up yet? Your expectations about the coming holiday season? Isn’t it fair to expect we can trust people in our lives not to let us down during the holidays, of all times? After all, when we put our trust in other people, it can really hurt when they let us down. Worse, it can do damage. How can you ever trust again when someone you believed in lets you down?
I was just 19 when I took my fear of heights and signed up for a rock climbing class in my first semester of college. If it was time to be an adult and make my way in the world, I figured I needed to off load my fear of high places (necessary for reaching lofty goals). We spent the early weeks learning about harnesses and ropes and hand holds. We practiced the all important command “Belay on!” to let the person holding the rope for us know we were ready to climb. Someone on the ground was attached to our climbing rope, holding it taught and providing an anchor in case of a fall. When climbing up or coming down, we would feel the strength of our anchor holding us. We are only as safe as the one holding our rope.
The day I was challenged to climb to the top of the rock face, the instructor chose another one of the few girls to be my anchor. If the person we trust in is faithful, we should be safe.
But sometimes people aren’t and we’re not.
I put my trust in my partner and began to climb. Halfway up the rock face, it became a battle of wills for me, fighting the awareness of the height and remembering the skills I had learned. I reached for a hand hold above me, momentarily putting my weight on the rope. But the person holding my rope was distracted and let go. She dropped me.
For what seemed like a long moment and a long distance, I feel backwards, landing on a narrow ledge. I lay clinging, breathing, hoping I wouldn’t burst into tears in front of the mostly manly students and my giggling anchor. I felt hurt, embarrassed, betrayed, unimportant, angry, and scared. Scared and trembling from top to bottom. When someone you expect to hold you lets you down, how can you ever trust again?
Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. For the evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land … The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand. (Psalm 37:8-9, 23-24)
What we believe about God determines if we trust others. Do you trust God enough to trust other people? Even after you’ve been hurt? Even after someone who was your anchor let go of your rope? And laughed? And left you clinging? Hurting? Do you trust God enough then?
The ledge is a frightening place to be, but God does not leave us hanging. We are only as safe as the one holding our rope, and He ultimately holds our rope.
Somewhere out of the swirl of my fears, I heard my instructor’s voice, “Are you okay? It’s okay Julie. I’ve got you. I won’t let you fall. I’ve got your rope, and I’ll hold you tight.” And he did. I came down in one piece, with a few new fears and feelings to conquer. Being let down does that to you. What do you expect? But God will not let go. What do you expect?
How to start to trust again
If someone let you down & you’re struggling to trust again, you might take these steps to lean on God’s strong hold on you:
- Spend some uninterrupted, quiet time with Him. Do what you need in order to make it happen. Lean on Him in the quiet.
- Talk to Him. If you’re feeling stuck, talk out loud, write your thoughts, or just make lists & talk through them with Him.
- Listen to music all about our solid, dependable, faithful Rock. When you’re terrified on a ledge, turn to the rock & focus. Turn to God.
- Choose to shut out distractions. If you’re in trouble, you can’t listen to everyone calling out. Just listen to the one who has the rope.
