How to talk to your husband about Ashley Madison

With the unfolding of the news about Ashely Madison, a lot of wives are asking questions. Some women feel guilty for wanting to see the list. Others judge those who have reasons to wonder about the list. Since the database is predominantly male, the leaked information from the adultery website has given women something to talk about. Who should we be talking to about Ashley Madison?

All of us should be talking to God about Ashely Madison. We should all care about sin, because God cares about sin and went to great lengths to restore the damage from it. When marriages and churches and testimonies are undone by the ugliness of deceit and unfaithfulness, God’s grieves and the world laughs. (Matthew 5:16) We shouldn’t care about the Ashley Madison scandal because it’s a hot topic, but because the wages of sin is death, and death takes many forms in families, churches, relationships, and communities. (1 Peter 2:12) We shouldn’t be talking about Ashley Madison to fuel the flames of gossip, but to cry out to God for healing.

5 ways to pray about Ashley Madison

Pray for repentance, release, and restoration for those exposed
Pray for marriages and families impacted as they do the work of healing
Pray for communities, churches, and organizations who lost leaders to immorality
Pray for the watching world to see an accurate picture of who God is
Pray for God to strengthen us as we are all prone to wander

God first wants us to talk to Him about Ashley Madison.

Wives should talk to their husbands about Ashely Madison. Some need to have this conversation in order to strengthen an already secure and sexually healthy relationship. Some need to have this conversation to deal with unhealthy habits that have opened doors to immorality. Some need to have this conversation, because they’re already on the road of destruction and they need to act now. If the thought of trying to talk to your man about AM makes you squirm, you definitely need to talk. When couples are too uncomfortable to have conversations about hard things, they need to have conversations about hard things.

I asked my husband Jeff if he could help me out by answering the question, “How does a woman talk to her husband about Ashley Madison?” Talking about this doesn’t mean you distrust your spouse or that there’s deceit between you. Any wife raising the topic should be careful not to make her husband feel attacked or untrusted. “If you don’t have the kind of relationship to talk openly,” Jeff began, “it’s hard to start with Ashley Madison.” That’s true, but don’t let it keep you from moving from where you are now to a place of greater intimacy. Jeff and I came up with 5 questions for a wife to use in approaching her husband. Also, not everyone has heard of this recent issue, so if this is new to your husband, do NOT be sarcastic or make fun of him. Humbly explain what Ashley Madison is and what has been exposed. Ask questions with humility, honesty, and openness. Conversations are the result of the climate couples cultivate.

5 questions to ask your husband about Ashley Madison

What do you think about what’s going on with Ashley Madison?
Why do you think some men are interested in that kind of a service?
Is it something you would ever be tempted to think about?
Do you feel like our relationship meets your needs physically, emotionally, and relationally?
How do you think we can guard against becoming an Ashley Madison marriage?

If you’re too uncomfortable to talk about hard things, you need to. In recent days, some couples have faced the exposure of deep needs within their marriages. People are in pain. Others are so paralyzed by the possibility that they would rather not know. Still others have fresh gratitude for the gift of faithfulness they enjoy in their marriage. Sheila Wray Gregoire and Ed Stetzer both encourage us to look at exposure as a necessary and ultimately good step towards healing in marriages where truth, freedom, and love need to reign. If we fear open discussions, we stifle the honesty necessary for true intimacy. Couples who tackle tough topics together are couples who experience God’s sweet plan for marriage.