Friday night JoHanna and I delivered meals from a feeding ministry to a sketchy hotel in town. Less than 5 hours later, less than 5 blocks away, a young woman was killed by her boyfriend who then took his own life in a parking lot. Violence first reported back in March, when COVID began, must’ve escalated to the tragic loss of life. Most eruptions start with a fracture.
A fault line is a fracture or series of fractures where two blocks come together. Normal shifting causes creep-like change. Sometimes extra pressure makes one side slip all of sudden, resulting in catastrophic shaking. All families live with fault lines. The fractures or combinations of familiar fractures create slowly creeping changes. But for some, the sudden, unexpected pressure of COVID-19 in 2020 are resulting in catastrophic shaking.
SAMSHA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) reports that, “As the COVID-19 pandemic continues, Americans are required to stay home to protect themselves and their communities. However, the home may not be safe for many families who experience domestic violence, which may include both intimate partners and children.”
Furthermore, “Children are specifically vulnerable to abuse during COVID-19.” These describe fault lines rupturing into catastrophic quakes. If someone you care about experiences this, you may want to read this about how to help, what to ask, and a number to call.
But what about families whose fault lines aren’t catastrophic, but they’re “creeping” during COVID-19? Families feel pressure escalating from being cooped up, disappointed, limited, or cut off. Watch for signs like these that your family fault lines need to be defused with forgiveness, or you may need to find help to heal.
- Pressure builds from complications like WFH and wearing masks
- Tension increases the force of the outbursts or reactions in normal things
- Offenses push up, pushing on healthy and holy responses to wrongs committed
- Limitations in relationships result in irritation within your small circle of people
- Fatigue from unfamiliar things and missing known things is wearing on you
- My perspective feels like a pinhole view in the middle of a lot of darkness
We all know we live with fractures in relationships – fault lines where we feel life’s movements. But COVID-19 creates catastrophic pain for some – maybe you or someone you know. If you’ve ever been in a geographic quake you know you need to duck, cover and hold on. Here are a few things we can all hold on to right now.
Forgiveness to Defuse Family Pressure
- Get your grace out. We’re going to hurt each other big and small (both big and small people & in big and small ways). Be prepared to give grace.
- Be honest with yourself. New pains will push against old fault lines. When your old faults slip, recognize them for what they are. Don’t assume your marriage and family are worse than you knew.
- Forgive your family members. There are blessings in all this togetherness, but most of us haven’t done this before. Sudden change puts pressure on normal fractures. Be prepared to forgive.
- Get restoration personally. So much has changed and remains in a state of flux and loss. We’re going to need healing, starting with ourselves. Jesus shows us the power of forgiveness.
Unlike us, Jesus wasn’t guilty of offending in return. I wish I could quarantine with Jesus! (Hmmm … wait. I already am!) “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost,” (Luke 19:10). Still, he chose the power of forgiveness by extending grace to us. While we were weak and offensive, Jesus died for us to bring healing and give us hope (Romans 5:6-8). Jesus came for forgiveness our deep faults. As we ride this out with other humans, we can take the healing initiative to forgive.
It’s a time when the plates of life are moving in rapid waves. Catastrophic. The motion has us reaching for something to hold on to. We can grasp hold of personal restoration in Jesus and the peace that comes with it. Then we can extend this peace to our homes as relationships absorb the pressure of the sudden and sustained slip of life as we know it. More than ever, we need to experience and extend forgiveness.
And in those times when common offenses begin to intensify into explosive moments of pain, it’s time to get help to find forgiveness. Blocks pushing against one another with growing force are sure to slip eventually. Here are some helpful resources.
Resources for Violence in Families
- Family Tension and Conflict during the COVID-19 pandemic (I like their 3 tips)
- This is a good 1 page resource for Managing Family Conflict While Home in COVID-19
- National Domestic Violence Hotline – Staying Safe During COVID-19 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
- The National Network to Eliminate Domestic Violence – Resources on the Response to the Coronavirus (COVID-19)
- Prevent Child Abuse America – Coronavirus Resources & Tips for Parents, Children & Others
