On the day she wounded me, I did not want to offer forgiveness. Instead, I wanted to get things like an explanation, vindication, and resolution. But in my gut, I knew it was unlikely. Have you ever felt this way?
When intense events happen in our lives, we feel intense emotions. In our best efforts to deal with both the events and the emotions, we’ve been wounded and we wound others. The Pandemic hurled us all into unfamiliar territory, leaving our feelings exposed and on the edge. We felt it at home, in church, with colleagues, in extended families, and on social media. We longed for supports like times with friends, church gatherings, mentors, and play dates. In our aloneness, many of our feelings grew bigger.
While so many things have been harder, it’s been easier to hurt and be hurt. This is not a time to approach our relationships with open, empty hands. This is a time to approach each other with hands holding a spirit of forgiveness. Wounds will come, so we need to be ready to choose to offer forgiveness. Forgiveness is more about the heart of the offended than the mind of the offender.
The HEART of forgiveness – understands grace received.
God doesn’t just make us feel better about our offensive failings. He actively wipes away the guilt we deserve. “As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:12) After we grasp how merciful it is for God to give us this grace, it puts the insults of others into perspective. God’s Word directs us, then, to give the same extravagant grace to others.
- “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” (Colossians 3:13)
The AIM of forgiveness – restoring broken relationships.
Letting unforgiveness find a place in our hearts and settle in to our thinking damages relationships with God and with others. Like breathing in a virus and ignoring the physical infection, taking hold of an offense decays the health and well-being of the one who receives it.
- “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14-15)
On the other hand, intentionally releasing a wrong restores our spiritual and emotional health, along with physical impacts left by resent. We know God doesn’t ever withdraw His claim on His own, because, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,” (Romans 8:1). But when we refuse to practice the way of forgiveness, “The Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives,” (Hebrews 12:6). Forgiveness is good for us and for our relationships.
The TIMING of forgiveness – prevents disease.
In hard times, it’s easy to hurt each other. Confusion and isolation make rich soil where misunderstanding, selfishness, impatience, and miscommunication take root. Have you been on the receiving end of those hurts? Are they present in your relationships now?
All of us have offended God with the imprint of sin on our human hearts. Still, we know, “The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord,” (Romans 6:23). Despite our offensiveness, He forgives us.
Forgiveness is a decision to practice daily cleansing, knowing, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness,” (1 John 1:9). Confessing our own issues feels good, and deciding to let go of what offends us feels good too. Our spouse, our kids, our friends, our church family, our leaders, our relatives, our neighbors, our co-workers. When we let go of what wronged us, we receive more. When we forgive quickly, regularly, and lovingly, we immunize ourselves against the disease of bitterness threatening to sicken our hearts.
God doesn’t hold it against us for the nights we were too worn out to pray or the mornings our minds wandered in our Bible reading. He didn’t count it against us that we ate breakfast or folded laundry while we watched online worship. He didn’t hate us when we complained about the Pandemic restrictions. He isn’t turning His back on us for days when our faith gives way to fear. He offers us forgiveness wrapped in His grace. In seasons of suffering and crisis, when we reach out for God’s strength and help, He puts grace in our hands to offer to others.
- The heart of forgiveness gets that fact we’ve been given grace.
- The aim of forgiveness seeks to restore broken relationships.
- The timing of forgiveness prevents bitterness from becoming a disease.
