Our airport routine grew out of many departures sprinkled throughout our married life. Yesterday we chalked up another one, and I started my “holding down the fort” routine. It always starts with prayers against emergencies and for grace to face the unexpected. I love knowing God never packs up and leaves on business, pleasure, or ministry; He’s always here. Time apart has the potential to breathe fresh appreciation into a marriage and to infuse strength into the two who make the one.
When Jeff is away, I’m tempted to stay behind in my flesh … go on a laundry strike, stay up late watching Food Network, use paper plates, eat whatever is freezer burned beyond recognition, let the dog sleep with me, and make myself a batch of chocolate chip comfort food cookies. Such a haphazard approach would leave me woefully unprepared for my sweet man’s return!
In the Old Testament account of Jacob and his father-in-law Laban, the two make a covenant of their commitment to each other as they prepare to be apart. Laban speaks words appropriate for two committed covenant partners about to experience a separation of any length: “Jehovah watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another” (Gen. 31:49).
“Jehovah watch” pulls my cookie eating, anti-laundry, late night tv watching, pizza ordering self back to God’s plan for times of absence. God is watching to see how I USE this time apart from my husband to be READY for my husband.
When we’re absent from each other, I’ve learned that it helps me to have a simple plan in order to experience a peace when we’re apart.
My 10 tips for a peace apart
- Go to bed on time (I need HELP here, so please ask me how I’m doing …)
- Plan some “good rest” during the routine change, but don’t be a couch potato
- Choose and memorize a passage of scripture (I’m going to work on Galatians 5 this week)
- Keep up our church-going routine, and don’t make excuses
- Thoughtfully choose special times out with the kids (We love to go out for Chinese food)
- Choose a project or two out of the ordinary to accomplish that will bless my man
- Invest in quality time and care with our children … don’t just throw them a pop tart
- Get my own work done well, so I’m free to attend to my guy when he gets home
- Have meaningful time with other people; my husband doesn’t want me to be a hermit
- Pray. Pray for my man like no one else can. Pray for my peace at night and wisdom all day.
I will probably let the dog sleep with me some, order at least 1 pizza, do some laundry, and share a batch of cookies. After all, when 1/2 of me is gone, life is not ordinary! While I was away at our retreat this last weekend, Jeff washed dishes, did laundry, cleaned floors, and stocked up on tp (?) = CONVICTION! 🙂 There’s freedom in being away when your spouse if being faithful at home … husband OR wife. Jeff served me, though I was not there. It’s really nice to come home to someone who prepared lovingly for your return.
Now it’s my turn. Your man might not have a long absence planned any time soon, but most marriages experience some absences. Instead of falling apart or fighting it, let God watch between you when you are absent one from another. Let Him USE the time away from each other to be better when you come together.
Well the dog just reminded me that it’s time for “us” to go to bed. I’m going to review my verse, pray for my mine, and turn off Food Network. I can’t wait to show you next week what my “special project” is! Blessings to you and yours when you are separated. God is the giver of our peace apart!
How do YOU feel about your times apart? Do you have a tip for me as I hold down the fort?
Timely thoughts for me….my husband leaves tomorrow for ten days! I’ve learned that I need to lower my expectations during these times. I try to keep things as simple as possible so I have ongoing energy to care for our four children. And, throwing in something special or fun “just because” helps all of us get through this time of missing Daddy.
I’m glad you shared, Kelly. I’ll remember you in prayer as you hold down the fort. That “something special” gives you a highlight to look forward to. It DOES take energy to be “both of us,” so you are so wise to adjust your expectations accordingly. I find that I run the dishwasher a lot less … which says something about a shift in food prep. Keeping it simple is a great perspective to have. Make the most of your days and … enjoy the homecoming!
“…don’t just throw them a pop tart.” Ha! So funny. This is an awesome post. I agree 100% with your list. I struggle with going to bed on time too when I am alone, that’s just no fun right? It is hard to end your day without the one you usually end your day with. I think for me the rhythm has to shift to more of a marathon pace. There is no finish line at the end of the day. It takes planning, discipline, sustenance, flexibility, endurance, and a cheering section to finish a marathon right? I am in your cheering section. Will be praying for you and your three J’s this week!
A marathon … so true, and thanks for cheering for us. This morning started when the dog found leftover retreat candy and then threw it up on our bedroom floor. 🙂 I’m hoping it’s our biggest “disaster!” Just had a quick Skype call, though, and that was such a help. I’ll be cheering for YOU when you’re on your own this summer. The Lord has already brought that to my mind several times. Even when the absence is a “sacrifice” for really good things, it’s still hard, and some of the biggest sacrifices are made at home. LOVE having the Skype blessing!
My husband used to travel on business to overseas countries and sometimes it was a week, but most of the time it was for a couple of months or more. I felt terribly lonely without him around and I learned to appreciate him more. I sent him an email every night before going to bed telling him about all that had happened during the day and my plans and schedule for next day for the children and I. He was very appreciative of knowing that we cared about him, were keeping him in our prayers, and that we all were looking forward to his return. I am glad he retired and does not have to travel alone any longer I wish we had Skype then!
I just got off of a Skype call with Jeff. 🙂 It’s SUCH a blessing to have that option for staying in touch. Absence does breed appreciation. It really helps to manage the distance by staying in touch. I’m glad your man is retired too!
Thanks for the encouragement!! It is always nice to know others go through the same things as our self. My husband travels a lot with work too. He happens to be away right now. I tend to take “off” with most of my responsibilities when he is away. I do my best to make sure the house is presentable when he gets back though. Oh and I make the day of arrival my clean our bedroom/bathroom day. He loves to come home to a freshly cleaned bedroom with clean sheets on the bed. It is hard on our kids when he is away so having the days less routine and more spontaneous actually helps the time pass quicker for us all.
Great tip to do the bedroom/bathroom on arrival day. It’s so nice to come home to a clean, fresh bed to rest. Tonight when we had dinner, our daughter said, “It’s kind of fun when dad’s gone, because we get special food.” 😉 Sometimes those “little things” make the biggest difference, don’t they? I hope your time on your own is peaceful and productive!