Does a non-verbal baby really need a mom’s eye contact and “baby talk?” Does a sulky teenager really want to chat with her mom? The developmental cost of doing without these critical interactions has yet to be measured. Kids are giving up and retreating to their phones or iPods. Without realizing it, many parents exchange interaction with their tech for interaction with their kids.

• At three months old an infant needs to see a mother’s facial expressions, hear her tone, watch her mouth, feel her caress, and absorb her language patterns.
• At three years old a child needs to hear the cadence of his mom’s reading, listen to her ideas in play, watch her model household chores, and hear the intonation of questions and answers.
• At ten years old a child needs to verbalize tasks, hear principles repeated, and observe body language that accompany directions and answers.
• At thirteen years old a child needs to share about social challenges, discuss what they’re learning, hear various levels of questions, and see how eye contact reinforces conversation.

If mom is preoccupied with her phone, texting, playing a game, or reading a blog (??) when a child should have her attention, learning will be incomplete, stunted, or malnourished. There is no substitute for the example, stimulation, and motivation of a mother’s interaction. Moments of waiting at the doctor’s office, restaurant, church, or home are windows of opportunity for a parent to communicate with a child; how sad if the gap is plugged with an artificial substitute. Kids start to learn the art of sharing when they are just little.  An iPad, phone, tv, or other tech device can not ever take the place of a mother.

How will you know if you’re too tied to tech instead of being attentive to your kids? When one of my kids said, “Mom you’re always on your computer,” I knew I needed to get a tech-grip. When I found myself struggling to ignore a message so I could go for a walk with the kids, I knew I needed to get a tech-grip. Do you need to get a tech-grip to get your kids to share?

How to get kids to share

1. STOP – Teach them the critical habit of stillness by modeling self-control and doing it together.
2. LOOK – Teach them to pay attention in a conversation and focus on a person; eye contact is key.
3. LISTEN – Teach them to communicate by eliminating distractions, being clear about your objective and practicing this skill fading in today’s world.

Like a teacher with an objective for her students, a parent must commit to producing healthy development mentally, emotionally, and verbally. To do that, we have to be available. Regardless of the school setting parents choose for their children, controlling tech makes you available to “talk of <God’s truth> when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise” (Deut 6:7).

We have to be available to interact. Kids will share if we will listen. Maybe this goes for boyfriends and husbands and friends, too. But for this “Back-to-School Season,” let’s apply this truth to children. Kids will share if we will listen.