How can you inspire your husband to be grateful for you when it’s hard to be grateful for him? Last week we took a look at cultivating good memories as part of Becoming a Grateful Wife, but what if you have to look waaaaaay back to find something that looks “good?”
Sometimes it isn’t easy to feel thankful, because every husband is imperfect, and every wife is imperfect. Maybe you’re in a hard place in your marriage, and you’re looking back in hopes of finding some good memory to cultivate into thankfulness. Since a grateful marriage is the blend of a grateful wife and a grateful husband, what can a discouraged wife do to inspire her husband to be loving?
Elizabeth had been married to James for five years when she admitted they didn’t have bad communication, but they had NO communication. She watched daily as he made coffee for himself, emptied the pot into his mega-mug, and went off to work. Ignoring her, she secretly longed for the simple kindness of having her husband serve her a cup of coffee. Over time, she felt her anger turning into bitter feelings that sometimes swelled into maliciousness filling her heart. Not knowing what to do, she admitted to her mentor that it was pretty hard to be a “grateful wife.”
Instead of just letting her cry on her shoulder, Elizabeth’s mentor asked her a question. “Do you greet him when he comes home? I want you to greet him when he comes home.”
Skeptical, Elizabeth set out to follow her godly mentor’s advice, feeling sure nothing would change. On the first day, she met James with a “Hi honey!” He responded with a cold stare, but silent. Just as she expected. The next day, she obediently met him again with her “Hi honey! How was your day?” She was rewarded with a single syllable, “Okay.”
Day after day, Elizabeth persisted, and James gradually responded with a little more emotion, until two weeks had passed. And then it happened: evidence that God had moved in response to her prayerful obedience.
After James prepared his usual morning pot of coffee, he poured a wife-sized cup and offered it to Elizabeth.
Remembering the moment as she shared the story with me, she was overwhelmed. Thanksgiving happens when we cultivate memories. “I saw my husband for the first time in a whole new light. I fell in love with him over a cup of coffee. It took obeying first.”
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance” (1 Cor. 13:4-7~ NLT).
It is a miracle that two can become one, especially since every wife is imperfect and every husband is imperfect, and we live life together in imperfect circumstances. God can gives us what we need, since love takes “obeying first.” A grateful marriage isn’t one that comes apart from cultivation and obedience. Your marriage may be in a place of no communication, of anger or bitterness, but it doesn’t have to stay there. Take a step of obedience, and ask God to work through your decision to behave gratefully.
You may fall in love all over again…
Do you have “a thing” that’s hurting you, replacing gratitude with bitterness?
Would you ask God to take it over and give you strength to take the first step of love to grow gratitude in your marriage?
Love this story! So full of hope. My husband and I just celebrated 28 years of marriage. And we’ve had our share of ups and downs. There is always room for improvement. We have been walking together 4-5 days a week for over a year now. Prayer has become 1/2 of our walk time. And we follow the 4 Steps of Prayer I learned thought MomsInPrayer.org–Praise, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Intercession. During our Confession time, which is usually silent, my husband shared the conviction he felt about the way he’d treated a family member. I had confronted him about this a few days ago and he mostly defended himself. But today, he humbly shared how he could now see how this behavior impacted me. This was a breakthrough; one that enables me to let go of some of the pain I’ve held onto in the past. What a difference it makes to see your husband in a new light!
Found you on The Mom Initiative. I invite you to come check out my new website CirclesOfFaith.org. Blessings!
That’s another great testimony to the power or prayer and patience. What great fruit from your walking!
We actually started walking on the heels of a big fight. I was wrong, wrong, wrong and knew it…and asked my hubby if he would walk with me. We liked it so much, we started doing it almost every day. It has changed our relationship! We often hear from friends that they see us walking all the time. And we joke…were we walking side by side or was I five steps in front? Our walks are usually peaceful, but they can be a time when we work things out too. So thankful when I think of what God has done through this simple act.