The team of 7 lined up together after a long season of training, competing, and hoping. Air was heavy over the State Competition, and the official warned the athletes not to deflate the energy with a dreaded false start. So eager to begin the anticipated race, the premature start of just one girl would impact them all. My Jo stood behind her teammate, toes on the line, among 100+ runners, mentally planning their course. The gun raised … 
False start.
They forced their muscles back into submission, sucked in a deep breaths, and paced back to the line to regain control. Tension spiked. Tears fell. Advantage lost. If one takes off too soon, it takes a toll on their potential for success.
Have you sprinted into 2013 before your partner was ready?
It’s no secret that men and women think differently, resolutions included. Some may be personality differences, but many couples echo the difference in pace. In our case, my thoughts (and words) sometimes pour out like rain drops, while Jeff’s drift out more like snow flurries. After 23 years of marriage, I think I’m finally learning what it means to wait for my husband to share his thoughts; man times I’ve made a false start out of impatience. Now a small voice inside my head whispers, “Wait for it … ” Jeff’s more deliberate pace has often kept us from falling into the ditch carved by the spade of my tongue.
Wait for your man
With the great responsibility God puts on a man, it’s not hard to see why he might be cautious to take off … just a little.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:25-28).
So in your excitement, did you rush ahead with your New Year’s resolutions before your husband was ready? A wife wouldn’t plan a vacation alone, sell a house alone, or change jobs alone. How can we successfully set goals for a new year, without our spouse’s input and support? After all, we’re one.
Don’t let that Cinderella visions keep you from inviting your husband to share his start, in his way, with you. Maybe you’re secretly waiting and hoping and praying that he’ll plan a candlelight dinner to talk about your life’s plan this year, to hear your hopes and dreams, and to keep each other mutually accountable for God’s promptings in your lives. Awesome! A few of us may find that’s our reality, but for others, it’s a Hallmark movie. Don’t let it stop you from waiting on your man to start the year together. If you’re not even sure your husband is going to step up to the line, the ultimate Lover of your soul wants you to call on Him in prayer. He wants you to ask Him to coach you through this.
Questions for couples to start 2013 together
- So what did you like about last year in our lives?
- Is there some way you want me to help you this year?
- Is there some way I can pray for you this year?
- What could I do that would help your year be a success?
When a wife stands on the starting line of a new year beside her husband and waits with him to begin together, they’re on course for a championship year.
To help you slow down and plan thoughtfully, check out 2new planning for a great year and the first step, Reflection. You can even use these steps with your husband. Why not share this with a girlfriend, so you can encourage each other as your men get in position to lead your homes this year?
Would you share one goal you have as a wife this year?
Wonderful post Julie! My goal as a wife this year goes along with my One Word for the year. I want to refocus on being the wife Jeff needs. Over the last several months He has called me to put aside my wants & desires in order to be more focused on ministering to Jeff and standing beside him when he needs support. Praying and waiting on Jeff to make our family goals for this year.
Take care friend, Mary
That sounds like a great vision for this year. It’s so easy to become distracted in our focus and to just be “preoccupied” when our man needs/wants us. You are wise to pray and wait, friend. The Lord always reminds me that if I wait, He brings good things in His time. Blessings to you, friend!
I love this illustration! I used to run track and cross country and can so relate to how much a false start affects a race (I’m pretty sure I missed out on sectionals because of one). My husband and I were trying to get on the same page about this very thing last night! I will have to share the four questions with him when he gets home.
Oh, I hope you were able to share the questions together. It’s a lot easier to function like “a team” when you both know how you’re approaching the course. A false start can mess with your mind and your body and your spirit in an ugly combo of ways. Have a great race this year!
We finally got around to doing the questions together. My husband and I were able to be honest about some changes that needed be made, and, speaking to my love language, he affirmed me for a lot that went well last year. Thank you so much for posting these – you blessed us last night.
I’m so glad to heat that Mikah. It sounds like together you uncovered more than you would have alone. It’s a real gift to be able to share openly with someone we trust who has our best interest in mind. How blessed you are that your husband knows and speaks your love language! You are definitely off to a great start this year!
I like the 4 Questions for Couples you suggested. My hubby is not very “reflective” or a “planner” but I hope we can discuss your questions at some point. One goal as a wife this year? Pray more diligently for my husband.
That’s a great goal. Maybe if you just keep the questions “in mind,” you’ll find a natural time to weave one into your conversation. He won’t even know he’s reflecting … 🙂
Thanks Julie! Great information and something to really think about. I often (or mostly) rush ahead in this area. Think I’ll use these questions for a date night this weekend.
Sounds like a great way to spend part of a date night. Jeff and I had a great time of sharing over these, too. It’s so easy to rush ahead in our excitement and motivation to start the year well. Enjoy!