Do you have dreams as a couple? Does your husband have personal dreams you’re helping him achieve? Do you have dreams he’s helping you achieve? Or do you struggle to keep your Focus together? Does being married mean you’re twice as likely to get distracted from what matters most?
We honeymooned in Maine at a little cottage perched on the edge of a loon filled lake. Jeff planned it as a surprise, telling me enough so that I packed hiking boots, not sunscreen. While driving in nearby mountains, we stopped to explore a trail. The plan was to take a leisurely walk in the warm afternoon, before turning back for supper and a quiet evening of cottage romance. But then …. he saw a moose track, and it was as if my Prince Charming had been possessed by the spirit of Bear Grylls, in hopes of landing a spot on Animal Planet. I not-so-secretly wondered if someone was out there making tracks in the mud just to spoil our honeymoon.
Every moose track drew him on, farther away from me, forcing me to keep up in the muddy ruts of the logging road. About a mile into the search for the track maker (aka the Moose), I began muttering about being a cold night in that cabin tonight. Jeff was sure we would find the moose if we just went far and fast enough, so we pressed on. Another mile on, I growled about how he’d like to see my lingerie on a moose, since I wouldn’t be wearing any of it. By the time the sun was setting and my jacket felt too thin, I wondered out loud about how marriage annulments work. We never did find that moose. Be relieved, though, the search that began as a romantic walk did not spoil our lakeside honeymoon. Thankfully, “love covers a multitude of sins,” (1 Peter 4:8b) or moose tracks, in this case.
It’s really easy to start out in a marriage with shared dreams of things like having a christian family, being a family who spends time together, taking care of ourselves for each other, being respectful to each other, and serving God faithfully. It’s quite a challenge to stay focused on the dreams you have. While these are worthy goals to Focus on, every couple encounters distractions.
Usually, distractions start out as just a single “track” suggesting something you don’t want to miss. Before long you’re following a trail of promises as the light fades on the dream and your spouse thinks of ways to bail out.
“Let your eyes look directly ahead and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet and all your ways will be established.” (Prov. 4:25-26)
Distraction may start out looking pretty benign:
- a career decision that will provide more money or prestige
- a favorite tv show that pushes out praying together
- a bigger house or better school district
- a personal tech device that leaves family games in the archives
- a home project
- a church that offers “more” for your family
- a friendship that seems exciting in your ho-hum world
The funny thing is about distractions, they aren’t necessarily “bad” in themselves. After all, who doesn’t want to see a moose up close!?!? Bad example. 😉 A good school, fun friend, great job, strong church, or iPad can be a good thing … if it helps you get to the dream you share, and if it’s USED BY GOD in your life, instead of USING YOU AS A GOD in your life.
In January we’ve taken time to Plan for a Great Year. It’s also a great time to do some evaluating and dreaming and planning as a couple. This week we’re going to do some Planning. Consider these questions when you think of your journey as a couple and the dreams you see as part of your destination:
- Do you share the same dreams and goals?
- Do you know each other’s individual goals? If not, ask!
- Is one of you distracted? How does it make the other one feel?
- What’s the source of distraction?
- Do you need to confess the lure of something in your life?
- Ask God to show you His dreams for your family this year.
- Write down one goal for each individual and one goal for your family this year.
- Ask God to help you see any dangerous distractions.
- Make a list of distractions you’re likely to encounter.
- If you have children, share your goals with them and pray about them; teach them to Focus.
- Pray about your goals and distractions together.
Remember that if you move ahead apart from your spouse, you risk a False Start . Your spouse may not be on the same page. Don’t become angry. Ask God to show you how YOU can stay focused on His dreams for you, and ask Him to work out His dreams for your spouse in their heart.
I’ve followed Jeff Sanders for miles of trails in the last 23 years, and it’s been quite an adventure! I’m glad I got married with hiking boots, but for this summer’s vacation … I’m packing sunscreen.
