If your marriage has a parasite, you might not realize it at first. In fact, you might not feel alarmed or bothered at all. You might just accept it, but eventually its impact will show. So while this is a post about marriage, it could be a post about all of life. After all, the writer of Song of Solomon’s warning long ago is just as current today as when first written, “Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards …” (SoS 2:15). It’s the LITTLE foxes that create such havoc and eventually spoil a thriving vineyard … or marriage. 
On Friday Jeff and I drove to the highest point in the Smoky Mountains, Clingman’s Dome. We took a lunch and blanket and our cares and went to where the air is fresh and there’s no cell phone coverage. There’s a large parking lot at the top and from there, a paved, but steep, path leads 1/2 mile to the very top and an observation deck. We opted for the path through the woods and were rewarded by the balsam fragrance of evergreens and a surprise burst of juncos fluttering out of the brush. But then we emerged at the path to the observation deck, taking the ramp that rises above the treeline. Out of the forest, we could see the trees, and so many of them are dead.
Mixed in with some reminders of what once was, skeletal remains of Fraser fir trees cover the top of the Dome. I could hear non-local visitors talking about what causes the destruction. Two ladies passed me as they debated the cause and so I told them, “It’s a beetle.” Their response of, “Oooooh, a beetle …” Sounded like it needed a “Yeah, right” at the end. I can’t blame them; after all, you can’t SEE the BEETLE. They were incredulous that something so small, so unseen, causes such destruction. But that’s the way it is with the Fraser firs on Clingman’s Dome and with the parasites in our marriages.
Here’s what the National Park Service says,
“The balsam woolly adelgid is an insect pest that infests and kills stands of Fraser fir in the spruce-fir zone. The adelgid was introduced on trees imported from Europe, and the fir has little natural defense against it. By injecting the tree with toxins, the adelgid blocks the path of nutrients through the tree. The trees literally starve to death, and thousands of dead snags are all that are left on the highest mountain peaks.”
We have little natural defense against our parasites, our sins, and that’s why we need divine help to overcome our preoccupation with pleasure, our selfishness, our unhealthy work life, or our sin of choice. If we ignore little foxes in our marriages, they will spoil the growth and good fruit; one day we’ll look out and see the skeletal remains of a once promising oneness.
If you need help with a parasite in your marriage, go beyond your natural defenses. Get spiritually minded help.
- Ask God to give you help and wisdom
- Ask a godly couple to mentor you
- Ask your spouse to hear your concern
- Ask a spiritual leader for biblical counsel
Is your marriage slowly starving?
Don’t kid yourself. If there’s a balsam woolly adelgid in your relationship, it’s only a matter of time before it shows. The National Park Service is working hard to control the pest. Unfortunately, it isn’t the only unwelcome visitor in the forest. But that’s just like life, isn’t it? The best time to do battle with an unwelcome pest in our lives is when it’s still contained and still small, but it’s never too late to defend what’s worth having.
What makes it so hard to do something about the pests in our marriages? Leave a comment.
