A post declaring that a husband was not the newlywed writer’s soul mate created a lot of buzz this summer. Do you have a soul mate? Want one? After all, shouldn’t a wife today stand in her own two stilettos, complete without a man? Is there just one right man for a woman? Can’t God’s will for my life include any guy I’m willing to stick with forever? Not really, but once we exchange vows, it’s His plan that we learn what it means to be a soul mate.
To be a “mate” is to strive together with shared purpose, to loyally throw in your lot as a partner instead of a single. It’s no small decision to pair up when much of the world is moving to “hang on to your freedom.” More and more people today choose to be single or say “God’s will” could be any one of the multiple choice answers. God’s will for me is to be sanctified (1 Thessalonians 4:3), set apart in a relationship with Him and becoming more like Him. Part of that journey for me includes choosing the hard road of mating on a soul level.
If you want to live sanctified with someone, it’s not enough to make each other laugh, be sexually attracted, find out you’re sexually compatible, and like the same worship style. You need to be divinely steered. Maybe 50% of all marriages today end in divorce because we’ve stopped looking for someone who can become our soul mate.
When Jeff and I made vows over 23 years ago, I’m sure I thought he was my soul mate, but he wasn’t. That takes time, learning and changing. So few endure in marriage long enough to get to soul mate status. Jeff and I are closer to it than we were in 1990, but I’m not sure we’re there yet. I love the thought of journeying long enough together to experience it.
Do’s and don’ts of getting to soul mate status
- Don’t focus so much on keeping your individuality
- Do focus on helping your partner be their best
- Don’t look out for your own needs
- Do look for ways to benefit your mate
- Don’t see separate paths in your future
- Do see a single path of unified purpose
- Don’t guard your heart against your spouse
- Do share your heart, mind, body, and spirit with each other
- Don’t damage each other with abusive language, attitudes, or actions
- Do practice forgiveness that gently removes walls
Whether it’s peace with God or depth of relationship with a mate, only those who go the rare route find the sweetest treasure. “Easy” appeals to most people, while “difficult” appeals to few. Anyone can live with someone else while agreeing to chart their own course with God and man. But determination to go deeper, where heart, soul, mind, and strength reside, to unite without emotional guardrails or personal agendas, is to work at becoming soul mates. It’s not an easily achieved status; that’s why the narrow way is much less traveled than the broad (Matthew 7:13-14). And I know that applies to salvation, but the principle transfers to seeking what God wants for our lives instead of the calamity the Enemy wants for us.
In my newlywed years, I probably would’ve claimed I found my soul mate. It’s not weak to long for one, to seek out the best God has for you, instead of “A or B or C or all of the above.” After all these years, I know I am on a journey to knowing and being a soul mate, and I feel stronger for it.
What about you? Want to share in a comment about where you are in finding your “soul mate?”
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