Marriage Monday

Marriage is made up of a million moments. Moments of decision. Moments of making choices. Times when we choose to go this way instead of that way, to respond this way instead of that way. Married life depends on what we do in the “Let it Go Moments.”

I spend a lot of mental married time trying to figure out how to be sure Jeff understands me, meets my needs, helps me blossom, and cares for me. I don’t have to try to hold tightly to concerns about myself. Considering myself significant comes naturally. Maybe you find yourself making lots of momentary decisions based on your importance too. It’s easy to go from the extreme of ignoring our own needs to wanting our Prince Charming to spend every waking hour meeting our needs. But that’s when a million single decisions make our marriage what it is.

• Your man is watching the game and doesn’t want to pause to see the new painting project you found on Pinterest. You have a choice:  get irritated and store up frustration or … let it go.
• You’re driving in the car and you’re trying to stir up some fun conversation, but he’s about as interactive as the rear view mirror.  You have a choice:  start to compare him to your friend’s chatty guy or … let it go.
• It’s been a long day, when you climb into bed and feel his arms wrap around you in “that way.”  You have a choice: give him the “I don’t think so” signals or … let it go.

What is the “it” in letting “it” go?  It’s me.  It’s us.  It’s our own concerns. Our own importance. Our own significance. Our inner diva.

Our Let it Go example

This is part of what Paul meant when he talked about what it means to “walk in love” (Eph. 5:2) like “Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.”  If we follow in Christ’s footsteps, we’re to “Look carefully then how <we> walk,” (v.15) and that means we learn the art of “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (v.21).  The word is “hypotasso” and means we relinquish our individual priority, letting go of ourselves for the good of the other person. Like Jesus, we let it go. We let ourselves go.

Maybe God uses the example of wives “letting go” for their husbands (v. 22) because He knows it’s so hard. We’re so good at thinking of ourselves, but so bad at putting our man above ourselves. It’s not a modern problem; it’s age old, embedded in every person. “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Phil. 2:3). Another version says, “let each esteem the other better than themselves.”

How different would marriage be if we put our husband’s needs before our own?

• The family room would become a place to enjoy our differences, giving each other the gift of accepting our manhood/womanhood.
• The quiet car would become a place of understanding, with permission to be who we are in each season of life. Enjoy the security!
• The marriage bed would become a place of mutual freedom without inhibition, embracing our opportunity to be a source of pleasure to each other.

Today you and I will both find ourselves in a “let it go” moment. When the phone rings (or doesn’t)? When he walks through the door? When you’re doing the laundry? When you get the mail? When you get in the car? When you put dinner on the table? When you drop into bed? You’ll know when it comes. Ask the Holy Spirit to wave a big mental flag when it arrives. You’ll decide if you’ll respond based on your own self-importance or if you will “let it go.” Let YOURSELF go for the betterment of your husband and your marriage.

Marriage is made of a million moments. When the next one comes, choose to let go and enjoy the sweetness to follow.

What makes it hard for you to “let it go?”