It was displayed right there above the new Vogue, just to the left of the Dove dark chocolate bars (I see most things in relation to dark chocolate). It’s the new issue of Cosmo, with a cover girl who looks like a high school student. In the 30 seconds I stood and waited to pay for shampoo and body wash, I counted 4 sexually loaded words on the cover of the issue costing just $3.99. For less than five dollars, it was a read guaranteed to stimulate the imagination, feed a girl’s temptation, and work wonders on our self-esteem. The cover, alone, left me with the impression that a woman is basically an object of lust and for lust, only joining physically and intimately with a man for the rush it gives her. Developing a healthy identity as a wife in a monogamous relationship today is about as easy as … me trying to be a Cosmo cover girl!
Who am I now?
Being a wife (especially a happy one) today is something to keep quiet about. After all, more women are single than married, and much of the Western world has decided to forgo marriage and just live together. Choosing to “give yourself” to one man as his wife and even take his name to be his partner is viewed as downright … prehistoric. Finding my identity as a wife can be a real challenge in an anti-marriage world. So what’s a girl to do if she already “gave herself,” put a ring on it, and walked down the aisle as a “Mrs.?” Who is she NOW?
If you’re a wife like I am, you might need a refresher on your identity from God’s perspective. After all, He made marriage, and He defines you as a woman, single or married. If you’re married, He wants you to know your identity as a wife.
We’re aware that being married makes you one with our spouse, but the world gets hung up on that. Why would a woman want to suppress herself and not be an individual? Good question. I wouldn’t want to! Fortunately, that’s not what marriage means for a woman. Genesis 2 tells us God made a female to be a helper fit for a man, taken out of him, to be cherished as his own body.
“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband,” (Ephesians 5:33).
This tender relationship of a husband and wife is so divine, so mutually sacrificial and adoring, that God compares a husband and wife to Christ and the church. That makes our identity as a wife something precious! Instead of being lost in one another, we are enhanced by each other.
- A wife is a fit helper for a husband; he is blessed. (Prov. 31:23)
- An excellent wife is like a crown of glory to her husband. (Prov. 12:4)
- A wife is a good thing in the life of her husband. (Prov. 18:22)
You are a rightly designed helper who blesses your husband as a victor’s crown and the best thing in his life!
Next Monday we’re going to answer the question: “What’s a wife’s true identity?”
As a wife of one man for 43 years – yes, as of next Thursday, January 16th I will have been married 43 years – and I am not quite 60. If you do the math, you will know that I was married at 16 and lived through what now seems impossible when I watch my grandchildren who are approaching that age. How would they cope? What would they fall back on for survival? I remember three things that cemented our marriage when I was ready to call it quits, give up, divorce or die.
1) My dad was our minister and he told me that he tied that knot so tight, it would never come apart.
2) I understood that when God joins flesh to flesh it’s like the painful ripping off your own body parts when there’s a divorce. No matter how amicable people say there divorce was, it’s never painless.
3) We (my boyfriend and I) didn’t enter into marriage with the idea that divorce wa an option if this didn’t work out.
No, our marriage was not perfect or ideal. We had lots of hurts, trials, hateful misunderstandings, and pained relationships. But I can attest to the fact that as we matured and worked things out, God has given us genuine love for each other, comfort between us, acceptance, forgiveness, and the spirit that nothing can tear us apart – and it’s worth it. Now that we are 60 and getting older, I can’t imagine being without my spouse who is now my very best friend.
Thank you so much for sharing, Jane. I love it that you have been married for so long, long enough to speak of the sweet things that so few wives get to know in our time … the treasure of staying together. Your testimony is so real, so honest, and yet so victorious! Your dad was wise when he tied that knot so tightly, and I can only imagine that your kids have a great legacy of faithfulness. That’s a heritage few kids know today, but one we can commit to restoring. So glad you shared!