If you’re married to a man, you’ll find something to complain about. He is different than you are, wired to fit a different role in your home, and completely distinct from you. And sometimes he may be wrong; he may make mistakes. He might even offend you or wrong you. Did you complain about him this weekend?

The power of complaining words

In an imperfect world, it’s not hard to find something to complain about. I once sent out a group email, but nestled in the body of information, I missed a mistake. It certainly wasn’t the first mistake I’ve made and it won’t be my last. Before long, I got a curt response from someone I’ve never heard from before for any reason. No thanks for the help, no inquiry about how I was, no offer to assist, no interest in the real point of the message … just pointing out I was wrong. It was just a chance to complain. The words conveyed complaining, followed by more complaining, followed by silence.

It’s amazing how discouraging just a few well-timed, sharp words of complaint can be. They may appear in a blog, in an email, in a text, in person, over the phone, or in a Facebook status, but words are loaded with power. Complaining words can crush spirits. I was reminded of the potential of our words to speak life. Inside the vulnerable relationship of marriage, the potential of our speech multiplies.

Even if your man could be a contender for husband-of-the year, he isn’t PERFECT.  There will be a reason to complain, because it isn’t easy living together in total harmony at all times. Probably before this day is done, fellow wife, you’ll have a reason to complain.

But will you complain?

Complaining is a choice.  Speaking life is a choice. Neither one just happens. The writer was talking about people who don’t know God (outsiders) when he said, “Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” (Colossians 4:5-6) He was also warning us to consider how we use our talk time: speaking life or speaking death.

Life giving words in marriage

1. Life giving words use our limited, fixed amount of time in wise ways
2. Life giving words regularly give joy and increase the hearer in God’s strength
3. Life giving words preserve good quality and are known for wisdom

Salt has the ability to season, to preserve, and to heal.  Every marriage needs a good dose of salt, a regular sprinkling of gracious words that give life. Perhaps knowing “how you ought to answer each person” outside begins with answering the man who shares our bed in a gracious way.

Complaining is a choice

Before the day is over, you’ll have a reason to complain to or about your man. Complaining is a choice. Speaking gracious words is a choice. You could jump all over that man verbally, or you could prayerfully, carefully, thoughtfully, patiently, humbly talk to your guy and choose to give him grace. How will you choose to speak when you have a legitimate reason to complain?

The opportunity to decide will be here before we know it. Let’s stop & pray so our hearts are ready:

Lord, will you stop me from speaking when I start to complain in my marriage? I need you to train me to recognize my rotten thoughts and take them captive before they even escape my lips. Instead, teach me to control my complaining about my husband and to my husband. Help me to cultivate a habit of having wise speech that brings joy to my husband, helps him grow in your strength, and preserves the good things in our relationship. Help me to speak life to my husband as you speak life to me.
~ Amen

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