As the elderly Farmer weighed our feeble harvest, I asked his opinion: “Muffins or pancakes?” Instead of a recipe or recommendation, he shared the honest truth of a 55 year marriage. He gave no excuses.
He didn’t try to fool us. When we arrived, the Farmer said it wouldn’t be easy to find fruit. We would have to search and reach. After a couple of hours in the heart, our bucket was barely filled. We managed to snag a few clusters of blueberries left by early birds and pickers. As lunchtime passed, we regretted our late start for more than one reason and decided to call it a day. When I asked the Farmer to suggest an end for my berries, he laughed and told me it was up to my taste.
“I’d better ask my husband what he’s hungry for,” I answered.
“Now that’s a good answer,” agreed the Farmer, “and I should know. I’ve been married 55 years.“
I couldn’t resist. I had to ask what you and I both want to know: “What’s your secret to staying married so long?”
At this point in the story, you might expect to hear something like, “Divorce wasn’t an option,” or “I’m married to a patient women,” or even “Let me top off that pitiful bucket of berries.” Instead, the seasoned Farmer told me the plain, honest, hard truth. No excuses.
An honest answer to staying married
“We were too poor to get a divorce. Oh, there were times we wanted to, but we didn’t have money for a divorce. We had to make it work, and we did. It hasn’t been easy, but we have five kids and have accomplished a lot together. We made it work.”
The Farmer and his wife never gave in to excuses. They were poor. They struggled to finish bachelor’s and masters degrees. They birthed and raised five children. They built a farming business. They were tired, overworked, and stressed at times, but they didn’t let excuses give them a way out of marriage. They made it work. And when I asked for their secret, he told me the honest truth.
Why do we make excuses?
Excuses emerge when we seek the approval of men. When we want to sound good, look good, appear right, or come off as innocent, we find an excuse to cover our wrong. While an excuse creates an unblemished image, it also has a way of keeping relationships superficial. In order to protect a guiltless facade, we stay distant from those who could know the truth … human or divine. Concealed.
Excuses find a home in every century, land, and language. The first excuses was uttered in the Garden of Eden. Those who would seek to walk with God have always paused to ask, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10)
Trying to please people leads to making excuses. We may be tempted, as Eve was, to make excuses to God …. but He knows the truth. God-ward excuses are rather fruitless.
When we got home, we ate our blueberries raw, without any covering. As is. Just like the Farmer’s answer to the secret behind his 5+ centuries of marriage. I would venture to say that refusing to make excuses is a habit that has served him well in raising successful crops and in staying successfully married.
In case you got up EARLY and picked bucketful of blueberries, you could make Blueberry Muffins or Blueberry Pie in a Crockpot!
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