It’s been a long year. Sometimes in life together, even in a good life together, we need space. Jeff and I have both needed some alone time this year. Love has to be mature and secure to give the one we love freedom to be alone.
If you stay married very long, you’ll probably find yourself in need of some space. Does it mean you’re falling out of love, you made a mistake, or your spouse doesn’t care?
Sharing life with someone doesn’t mean you won’t feel lonely. Loneliness doesn’t mean you’ve stopped loving your spouse. Expecting our partner to be the answer to all of our struggles and desires is to set us up for disappointment.
“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)
Sharing life with someone doesn’t mean you lose the need or desire to be alone. Some people need more alone time than others, depending on their personality. Life circumstances and seasons can amplify that need.
Even married people need alone time. A partner is never meant to meet every need. But locking yourself in the bedroom with a stack of carry-out menus isn’t the best solution to the need for some time to yourself. (Totally NOT speaking from experience here …)
How to stay together when you want to be alone
- Time alone doesn’t have to tear apart your togetherness.
Look for ways to be alone … together. However and wherever you like to retreat, retreat in the same space. It’s okay to walk together without talking, to read together in quiet, and to nap on opposite sides of the room. - Believe God is sufficient to supply your needs.
Expect great things from the only one who is able to do great things. The man of your dreams is still … just a man. Let your man be a man, and let God be God. - Communicate your need for solitude to our spouse.
He can’t be all you need, but He needs to know what you need. Instead of leaving your loved one to wonder at your lack of words, go ahead and use a few to let him know you just can’t chat it up right now. - Keep being together even if you keep to yourself.
Even if you need to be alone, be accessible. Having alone time is different than withdrawing. Some seasons of life tempt us to withdraw, but it’s rarely good for us or for our partner. - Remember to love your spouse.
Our own struggles have the potential to consume our perspective. In these times, we pray, “Lord, help me remember my spouse’s needs. Help me meet his needs and trust you to meet mine.”
Do you ever need to be alone, even in life together? Does your husband need time alone? Do the two of you have a mature, secure love that grants the freedom of space? Don’t fear your love is cold, you shouldn’t have tied the knot, or you’ve ended up with a rat for a spouse. You might just need a little space.
Togetherness can thrive in time apart.
I have always in marriage found the key to being alone with God when I need this kind of time. God will never lead me away from my husband of 31 years, but only closer as he also seeks God when he needs time. We all need our space and time for adventure apart from our mate but the key is communicating when we return.
I enjoyed your post.
I love what you said, “God will never lead me away from my husband …” Very well said. And it’s true that the key to alone time that’s GOOD alone time is spending it with the Lord. Congratulations on your 31 years!