What would you name a blog … if you had one? Maybe you do and you wrestled over what to call it, because naming a blog says something about … you. “Come Have a Peace” should give you some insight into the kind of person I am, why I write, and what motivates me. I hope it does.

Today’s girlfriend in this summer of wedded wisdom on Marriage Monday calls her blog home “The Calm of His Presence.” Mary Boswell and I have gotten to know each other through the surprisingly smaller-than-you-might-think community of Christian women’s blogging, and so much of our sharing and praying for each other has been about being calm because of the presence of God in our lives. In our homes, in our families, in our marriages. It’s funny, but when you depend on Jesus for your calm, you’re more likely to be … CALM, and I love that about Mary. You’re going to hear that in today’s wedded wisdom.

In the Difficult and Messy Days

Have there been times in your marriage when you and your husband just don’t seem to click? When no matter what you do there are misunderstandings, tempers flair, feelings get hurt and walls go up.

In the 15 years my husband and I have been married we have experienced those days. Most of the time neither one of us knows what caused it; one minute things are great and the next minute we are snapping at each other and giving each other the silent treatment the rest of the day or night. My natural tendency is to tackle things head on and clear the air even if it means a bit of yelling. My husband withdraws to process his emotions.

We know each other’s tendencies and, while we attempt to respect the other person’s way of responding, sometimes we do well, other times not so well. In those cases when we don’t handle it well, my attempts to clear the air immediately are met with a rebuff, which send my mind spinning. I’m left thinking and saying things in my head I would never dream of saying to my husband. I pace the floor & fears creep into my heart.

Then in the silence God nudges my heart and reminds me of Psalm 19:14.

“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” ~ Ps. 19:14

Ouch, that hurts!
Although my mouth isn’t saying anything, my mind and my heart are not thinking and feeling pleasing things. Yes, I’m frustrated and hurt, but those feelings lead my mind in directions that bring fear and more hurt into my heart; all of which are not fair to my husband. It is then that I acknowledge the pain and fear I feel and ask God to clear my mind of the negative thoughts and emotions I’m experiencing.

• I pray for my husband and pray for our marriage.
• I pray that God will help me see the issue from my husband’s point of view.
• I pray that God will soften my hurt heart and help me patiently wait on God to deal with my husband’s heart.

As I pray, God silences the thoughts in my head and calms my fears.

Rather than allowing my mind to run wild, praying for my husband is a much better way to process the messy, difficult times.

After allowing each other time to process our tempers and frustrations we are able to sit down and work through the issue at hand. We apologize to each other and come out stronger in the end.

Marriage is a wonderful gift from God but there are some days when it is just down right difficult and messy. In those days I have learned to hold on tight to God and keep the focus of the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart on God.

When the days of your marriage are difficult and messy, how do you respond? Do you say and think hurtful and angry words? Do you see only your side of the issue?

The next time things are difficult and messy would you pray Psalm 19:14? Would you pray for your husband and your marriage? Ask God to help you see the issue from your husband’s perspective and ask God to soften your heart and help you patiently wait on Him to deal with your husband. And when the time is right to reconcile, would you do it with an open heart and open mind?

Mary is a wife of 15 years, mom to 2 beautiful children and daughter of her Heavenly Father. She and her husband Jeff seek to honor God in their marriage & raising their children. Through each twist & turn life has thrown them during their marriage, they have learned more about God’s immeasurable love and grace. With two young kids Mary’s days are anything but quiet. Mary writes at her blog The Calm of His Presence where she shares what God is teaching her during the quiet & sometimes not so quiet moments of her day. So, won’t you take some time out of your busy, hectic day and join Mary as she sits in the Calm of God’s Presence.

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