Today’s girlfriend in the summer of wedded wisdom is Lori Wildenberg. Lori has such a hospitable heart, and I’m really glad to welcome her here to Come Have a Peace today. She is the co-founder of 1 Corinthians 13 Parenting and has more than twenty-five years experience working with children and parents. She’s an author, speaker, licensed parent & family educator, certified teacher, and mother of four. Her faith in the Lord combined with her love of parenting and passion for teaching is poured into her parenting courses and presentations, and I’ve seen her in action in her own home! Lori is a columnist for MARRIAGE Magazine’s Parenting Prose and her writing is featured in a variety of parenting resources. She is a team member for The M.O.M. Initiative , the Professional Learning Board, and the Pearl Girls Blog; her articles can also be seen at Faith Village. Lori and her husband, Tom, have been married for thirty years and enjoy snow skiing, hiking, and water sports with their four children. The Wildenbergs and their labradoodle live in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. Read more from Lori Wildenberg.
Today Lori addresses a question that arises in every marriage. It may appear passively or aggressively, but every marriage exposes our anger.
Does my anger manage me, or do I control my anger? My self-regulator sometimes needs an attitude adjustment.
“What’s down in the well, comes up in the bucket.”
This saying pops into my head more often that I’d like to admit. I usually hear it after I have behaved badly.
A few weeks ago I was feeling pretty angry. OKAY, out of body experience angry. I was quite certain my anger was justified. So… I let my husband and son have it. And…they took it. Not a word came back to me in the heat of my moment.
Wise men. Two very wise men.
I was looking for a fight and I didn’t get it. I was MAD. I had reason to be “mildly annoyed” BUT my reaction was sinful (and definitely overblown).
Anger is a signal something is wrong and it needs to be fixed.
Anger, a God-given emotion, is the emotion that identifies a problem. It is a very poor solution to an issue. In fact, I wonder when my outbursts have ever made something better. (Never) They make it worse.
I’ve heard people say, “God gets angry. Jesus got mad.” Well…true but I know I can’t put my temper into the same category as the Lord’s. My anger most often isn’t righteous anger on behalf of a Holy God or another person. My anger tends to be motivated by feelings of offense or injustice toward one person… ME.
I must begin with responding not reacting.
I need to start with a description of the problem and then provide a possible solution; rather than react with big emotion that actually clouds the problem. Isn’t it better to get to the solution side of an issue instead of blow off some steam? Yes, is the answer.
I have to reap the consequences of my angry actions.
So yes, I did apologize and ask for forgiveness. I do plan on not sinning in my anger. I am praying for a filling of good things in my “well.”
And… my two Wise Men have turned into the two Wise Guys. I am enduring some well-deserved teasing, which will morph into a favorite family story at some point.
My outburst will go down in infamy.
HA. HA. HA.
“In your anger do not sin.” ~ Ephesians 4:26
thanks for sharing this Julie! I have a wonderful husband who still teases me about getting upset and stamping my foot and waving my hands….oh ya, we can laugh about it now. He to is a wise man! I love your quote about the well. It is going in my journal where I keep all sorts of good things I find as I read blogs and devotionals and grow. I always look forward to getting your blog. M
I love going in your journal! 😉 And it sounds like you do a good job of giving your husband clear signs that you’re angry, so he knows how to proceed. Thanks so much for reading!