Before they tie the knot and pledge to be “the man” for a woman, most men ask a question they’ve been asking for thousands of years: “Will she follow me?” This isn’t a blind or forced response to an overbearing command. Instead, it’s a decision to go with another who acts as a leader.  Following assumes willingness and cooperation, because otherwise it would be coercion. To follow is to willingly go with the direction of another.

When Abraham was getting on in years, he had to find a wife for his son. For this cultural process of the day, he chose his oldest, most trusted servant, sending him back to their homeland to find a wife. Choosing a life’s partner is no small decision, and there must’ve been added pressure in choosing one for the son of your beloved master.  The servant voiced concern before leaving to search for the young master’s mate: “I said to my master, ‘Perhaps the woman will not follow me.’” (Genesis 24: 39)

A man wants to know if a woman will follow him, because he hopes she will. If she resists following him in life, he loses the benefit of her support, the freedom that comes with her cooperation, and the joy of living in synch. Living with a woman who won’t follow means living with resistance.

The cost of having a wife not follow

• Instead of being energized, he’s drained.
• Instead of being confident, he’s insecure.
• Instead of being blessed, he’s sabotaged.

The wise servant knew he was asking a lot of the girl he found. He was asking her to leave her family, to come embrace her husband, to follow him to an unknown land. He wanted to know if she would follow Isaac or push against him. The servant asked a simple question, “Now then, if you are going to show steadfast love and faithfulness to my master, tell me; and if not, tell me, that I may turn to the right hand or to the left.” (Genesis 24:49)

• If your husband won’t lead, he may have learned you will take the lead.
• If your husband isn’t confident, he may doubt himself or sense your doubt.
• If your husband is sarcastic, he may believe you don’t trust him.

Before you get married, decide whether or not you’re ready to follow your man. Are you prepared to show steadfast love and faithfulness to your man? If not, you may not be the woman for him. And if you weren’t prepared to follow him when you married him, then ask God to teach you how to be a follower. He can change you.

How to follow him

1. Wait for him to set the direction
2. Contribute your best insights & gifts
3. Listen to him & let him think out loud
4. Refuse to hijack his leadership
5. Ask good questions to help him process
6. Pray for God to guide him
7. Speak words of support & confidence
8. Go with him in the direction he sets
9. Be his helpful partner, not his hindrance
10. Do him good and help him prosper

Though the servant feared the beautiful Rebekah might not follow him, “they called Rebekah and said to her, ‘Will you go with this man?’ She said, ‘I will go.'”  (v. 58)   While it may appear she trusted the elderly servant, trusted her distant relative, or trusted the man she had NEVER MET, I think Rebekah really had trust in God’s action in her life. Genesis 24 makes it clear she and her family believed God gave them direction. She could go to a land she had never seen, because she trusted God.  To trust is to follow, and to follow displays our trust. 

A man isn’t just looking for someone to come after him; a man is looking for a woman to trust him enough to follow him.

Rebekah could leave her family and her homeland, travel to distant relatives to marry a young man she’d never met, and spend her life with him, because she believed in God’s movement. She followed Isaac because she trusted God. We will only be able to follow a man who, like us, is flesh and flawed, if we trust God. 

If you can trust God, you can follow your man.