Dear Jo, in the next few weeks you and your college girlfriends are going to hear a lot about Christian Grey. Women are enticed by his charming allure, his enticing ways, and his sexy appeal. But I’ve been out with Christian Grey, and I want to warn you. Don’t go out with Christian Grey.
I’ve given you a lot of dating advice: important things like, “Don’t order a triple cheeseburger on a first date!” But today, I want you to be alert to the danger of charm. The book Fifty Shades of Grey is classified as “erotica.” Like you, I’m highly visual and my imagination doesn’t need much help. I know I need to guard my thoughts. I lot of women have read this book, and it has changed their view of their own sexuality and their view of the mate God has or hasn’t given them. Some don’t even know it’s changed. Instead of being simply aroused, women have been deceived.
I’ve prayed for your future intimacy for a long time, but the pursuit of Christian Grey could lead to a lifetime of regret. In reality, sexual intimacy is only sweet when wrapped in the embrace of trust. Otherwise, it’s total vulnerability at its worst. Feeding on a diet of Fifty Shades of Grey will change your sexual experiences and intimate relationships. Christian Grey will change your heart toward your future husband.
Let me tell you why smooth, sexy Christian Grey would be your worst nightmare. A man’s manner reveals his manner with you. If he uses tactics like idolatry (of himself?), jealousy, fits of anger, envy, impurity, sensuality and “things like these,” he practices things of the flesh (Galatians 5:19-21). You deserve better than that Jo; you deserve kindness, gentleness, self-control, and goodness in a man who is controlled by the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).
If he practices worldly ways to get you, he’ll practice worldly ways when he has you. You can’t embrace Christian Grey and the holy God at the same time. To accept and indulge in a controlling, violent sexuality is to spit in the face of the God who designed it to be beautiful and sweet. Christian Grey will change your heart towards God.
When lust for power and control drives a man to a woman, it leads down a dark path. I’ve seen this over and over with victims of domestic violence. Women don’t start with the expectation they’ll be dominated and violently used. However, if a man pursues you with a selfish spirit, he will use you with a selfish spirit.
The kind of sexuality Christian practices involves dominance, submission, and restraint. It’s the opposite of love. The dark path of selfish sexuality leads to dark ends:
- domestic violence
- emptiness
- insecurity
- faithlessness
- emotional anorexia
- no oneness
- fear
It’s no surprise Christian practices wicked sex with his many “submissives.” He was the child of a prostitute he only refers to as a “whore.” He too was victimized by her pimp, and we know “hurt people hurt people.” His earliest impressions were made by the anvil of evil, so he learned to disassociate himself from violence, to use and manipulate others as he had been used. He sees his body and the bodies of others as objects without value.
You don’t want a man who manipulates you. You want a man with integrity and truth. God’s plan is for your good as a woman, to be treasured and protected. He made you with emotional and sexual needs best men in the union of marriage. Men of humility become husbands who, “love their wives as their own bodies,” (Ephesians 5:28). This is the kind of lover who will be your leader, friend, and champion; “He who loves his wife loves himself.”
If a man manipulates you to get you into the relationship, he’ll manipulate you to get out of the relationship.
Dearest daughter, the world is full of men with smooth tongues, charming ways, and intense desires. They’re preoccupied with their own significance, appearance, comfort, and satisfaction. Women are their commodity to use for their own urges. Christian Grey will look for you, but don’t be deceived. The world’s concept of the man you want is counterfeit.
Know this to be true: Intimacy with a committed, truthful, tender man is the ecstasy you’re meant to know. Wait for that man.
Love,
Mom
Julie, thank you for sharing these words of spiritual wisdom to your daughter with all of us!
Julie, this is a very powerful and needful post. I wish every young woman could hear this truth. Thank you for writing this & sharing.