It’s been three weeks since the Governor of the Washington State issued a Stay Home order. We couldn’t imagine then what life is now. It’s more than we can wrap our minds around. A lot to absorb, process, understand, and respond to. For children, they’re trying to swim through this current with a smaller range of vocabulary, a less developed structure of emotions, a greater need for activity, and a stronger reliance on routine. Little ones are suddenly without playmates, medium sized ones are without sports or classes, and older ones are facing limbo instead of proms, graduations, and first interviews. For the next generation, they’re staring at a future with a giant question mark. COVID19 has thrown the world into chaos for kids.
What do our kids really need from us during the COVID19 crisis?
By now we know this isn’t a novel twist to spring break. It’s our new not-so-normal. Instead of a blip in our 2020 Instagram feed, we’re trying to figure out ways to support one another. For kids in our lives, they need the ABCs more than ever. Not The ABCs of Praying for Students, though those might be therapeutic for some to talk through right now to get some resolution in the school year that fizzled. No. These ABCs are the essentials kids need during COVID from loving grown ups in their lives.
A – Attentiveness
This is different than attention, and not just because we may work from home now or want to see daily news briefings. Attentiveness is more than attention. It’s tuning with concentration in an effort to understand, with availability to enter in and respond.
Right now, it may take extra patience to offer attentiveness, because it may take time and assistance to help children sort out feelings and choose the right words to verbalize feelings they’re having that haven’t been felt before, not like this. Is there disappointment? Grief? Frustration? Boredom? Uncertainty? Confusion? Over stimulation? Aimlessness? Worry?
Being a kid in COVID19 means being a kid who needs the attentiveness of a loving adult.
- We make space to give sustained eye contact
- We intentionally sit without turning away or getting up
- We listen with focus to connect without interrupting
- We tune in to allow the expression of what they’re thinking and feeling
B – Blessing
Families stuck at home together will have some low points and some high points. In some cases, domestic violence, abuse, and neglect may erupt in the tension. In the mind of a child, changes in environment or relationships may feel personal. Kids are craving uplifting affirmation and acknowledgement from a loving adult.
It’s hard for kids to relate to a global threat and to identify with why they’re ruining birthday party plans, spring soccer season, or a trip to Grandma’s house. A child’s mind may toy with the idea that THEY are threatening or THEY are diseased, raising questions about how to know who’s safe. Loving adults, especially parents, have the power to bless children in powerful ways that provide an anchor for a child’s sense of safety in a time of upheaval.
- Use their name intentionally and in a tender, nurturing voice
- Use your smile to send the message that they bring joy to your life
- Use your hands and your arms to touch and hold them lovingly
- Use your calm presence as a source of relief and reassurance
When all the world looks unsure, a child looks to the grown ups they trust.
C – Courage
When a child witnesses a sudden, unexpected event, they instinctively turn to see how their caretaking grown up responds. Will mom grab their hand and run for cover? Will the teacher line them up and show them the way? Will grandma pull them close and whisper to be brave?
Kids look to us for cues in how to respond in a crisis, and COVID19 is no exception. Our kids need to see our courage. Not that we don’t experience fear or share that, but we don’t stay there. We can’t. Our kids look to us to see if we’re navigating our way through this not-so-normal with courage.
These ABCs aren’t just for parents. Loving grown ups can be grandparents, aunts and uncles, a teacher, a small group member, or a neighbor. Yesterday, my teacher—daughter JoHanna delivered resource/gift bags to her students. We did the driving, and she did the porch drops. At one house, a small shadow waited at the window, watching and waving as JoHanna went to the porch and shouted blessings through the window. From kindergarten to college, all of our kids are feeling the impacts of something we’ve never faced before. They all need our attentiveness, our blessing, and our courage.
Kids are watching and listening to how grown ups meet this crisis.
So how about you? Do you have courage to face COVID19? Everyone is facing it with some sort of faith: faith in medicine, faith in government, faith in hand sanitizer, faith in isolation. Where are you putting your faith? I know where I’m putting my faith. Do you? If you’re not sure, it’s time to answer that question. We will point them to where we put our faith. Our kids are counting on it, and they’re taking their cues from us.
