I get whiplash in January. After a November focus on gratitude, we enter December intentionally giving to others, seeing others. Then January arrives. The world encourages us to do an about-face. Somehow it doesn’t feel right packing up the humble manger scene and putting myself in the center of a world made with a series of self-care, self-evaluation, and self-helps. That’s a lot of looking at my SELF. Are you trying to see yourself as the new year starts?
The Age of Selfies
This year I’m planning to spend time writing about what we do with OTHERS. The last twenty years grabbed our cheeks and turned our attention to ourselves. We’re enamored with looking at our own image — filtered, of course. The first “selfie” was shared in 2002, Instagram launched in 2010, and we started seeing how we look on Zoom in 2020. (#sendeyeliner)
No wonder good intentions fizzle — much of it tends to be about “me.” We feel disappointed and let ourselves down. And since the pandemic began, we’ve taken a hard look at how we need others and how we’re doing at living together. To see ourselves clearly and know how to approach a new year of life, first, maybe I need to see you first.
Seeing Others God Puts Before Us
I met a bearded homeless man at church a few months ago. Mike wore a half-torn shoe, a faded plaid shirt, a canvas overcoat, and a lot of caramel latte drops stuck to his beard. I know, because he carried a jumbo cup and so we chatted about lattes, where to get a free dinner, and who picks up hitchhikers. That night, while I taught a workshop with Jeff, Mike barged in. Ironically, we were discussing how to “see” the people around us. Sometimes, we look away because it’s uncomfortable or we’re caught up with what people see in us. But God puts people before us, and He wants us to see them.
After that, Mike interjected some interesting comments before we wrapped up the workshop and started to chat with people one on one. I extended my hand to greet Mike and ask if he remembered me. “Oh sure,” he said, “you had on a pink dress this morning and now you’re wearing a pink cardigan, but I remember.” Mike still had caramel latte on his beard. I guess he didn’t see it. But he saw me.
When we look away from ourselves to see others, we tell ourselves a story about each other. Usually, we create a simple line of “facts” to put each other in categories we can manage. It’s easier, but rarely accurate. It takes more time, mixed with empathy and faith, to see each other long enough to understand and make a connection. We look beyond the pink dress or the cardigan or the caramel latte drops to search for glimpses of the heart. I saw Mike, but I know I’ve missed people God wanted me to see.
How God Sees Us
Thankfully, God looks on our hearts. He isn’t so concerned about our external appearance, even though we spend a lot of time showing our befores and afters, our journeys of self-improvement. We use our own selves and our own lives, on the outside, to sell products and gain approval. God sees us where it counts, and He wants us to look carefully and prayerfully to see each other that way too.
“But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’” (1 Samuel 16:7)
Growing By Seeing Others
When I see others first, rather than letting my view be obstructed with too much ME, I see myself and our world more accurately. That better, less self-focused view leads to growth. I see:
- … I’m uniquely created
- … I am imperfect like all other humans
- … I’m not as big in the universe as I might like to think
- … you have needs I might meet
- … we both have needs only God can meet
- … you’re made in God’s image and so am I
- … life is better together
- … I can learn from you and you from me
- … God has you on a path different from mine
- … there is a purpose for your life and for mine
All things considered, we had a good thing going with November and December. Let’s resist letting a lot of self-talk convince us we belong in the center of 2022. Instead, may God help us see the nature and needs of others so He can show us where we fit and what He has planned.
5 Things to Look For in Others
- What does their facial expression say about their heart?
- Consider visible actions; what do they say about their thoughts?
- What obvious needs stand out?
- Can you see things you have in common?
- What observations could lead to their true story?
Thank you, Julie, for this timely & welcome post. It addresses the very thing God has been speaking to my own heart about over the past many months. Happy New Year to you and your family!